Alamo Land

Contemplative Friday

2012-01-27T05:33:00.003-06:00

For those of you who don’t know – and probably none of you do, because I didn’t fucking post anything about it – Shelley’s mom came to visit over the holidays. She was here from the middle of December to the middle of January. It was a nice visit. She’s 82 years old.

Anyway…she has a friend named Laurie at the retirement home where she lives. I met briefly her in 2010 when we went to Washington. She was a nice old broad. When Shelley’s mom was here, the two women texted one another regularly. They were friends because nearly all the other men and women at the retirement home were prude, uptight, fuddy-duddies. These two women weren’t. They were a bit crass, young-at-heart, and loved laughing.

A couple of days ago Laurie got up for breakfast as she did every day. She got dressed, put on make-up, and laid down on the couch for a rest before going down. Laurie didn’t show up for breakfast. They found her lying peacefully on the couch and rushed her to the hospital where she died the following morning around 2:00am.

I didn’t know Laurie save for that one short meeting, but I was kinda moved by her passing. I think it was a combination of the way she died, the fact that Shelley’s mom lost her best friend, and my own sobering realization (again!) of my continued aging and mortality.

It also made me think muchly about how I want to go when it’s my time. I certainly hope I have some say in it. I don’t much like the idea of a sudden death, because I might’ve forgotten to do or say something. I know I won’t care after I’m dead, but I wonder if there’ll be a split second of realization that this is the time. You know…”Oh shit. I’m dying.” Life and loved ones flash before my eyes. I see a bright light. Then an infinitesimal moment of ultra-anxious realization that I forgot to tell someone goodbye, tell someone I love them, say I’m sorry, eat something I always meant to cook but kept blowing off, hug someone, pet the cats, get my affairs in order, or delete the porn from my computer.

Damn it. No one told me I was gonna get old and die. Wait. Yes. My mom did. Shit. Well. We’ll have a good laugh about that when next I see her.

I'm Still Here

2012-01-12T03:16:00.000-06:00

For those who still drop by from time to time -

Thanksgiving was good. We went to Shelley's daughter's fiance's parents' house for a big dinner. It was nice, but I do miss the leftovers and making turkey soup, one of my favorite things to do the next day.

Shelley's dear mom came to town for Christmas. We spent it with Shelley's daughter & fiance. It was nice.

And I continue to work and coast by. There's nothing too exciting going on in life, but I suppose uneventful is good. I've been slacking in my photography, despite sinking a load of money into equipment over the last couple of years. I need to work on that.

Anyway....there ya have it. I'm up way too early this morning because I went to bed way too early last night. Ughhh....Coffee time.

Road Trip

2011-11-02T05:05:00.000-05:00

I took the day off today. Shelley's brother and his wife are in town, so we're going to drive out west for a couple of hours to check some property they bought a couple of decades ago. Should be a nice drive.

Then two days of work.

Then Saturday birthday lunch with friends, after which my daughter is coming over to spend the night.

Sunday we'll be going to Wurst Fest in New Braunfels.

How to Ask...

2011-10-23T17:31:00.002-05:00

Aminals

2011-10-20T18:55:00.002-05:00

That whole animal escape & killing thing in Zanesville, Ohio was heartbreaking. Poor dudes.

I think it’s criminal that any one person can legally own that many exotic animals with no regulatory oversight. I hope Ohio gets smart and puts some laws on the books that prevent this kind of shit from ever happening again.

Slacker

2011-10-17T05:11:00.000-05:00

TC reminded me in a comment on my previous post that I haven't posted anything here for some time. It's been almost two months since my last post! And to think....I used to blog nearly every day there for a while. But...that was back when there was a little circle of blogger buddies who did the same.

Most of those blogger buddies have moved on, but I still hear from a couple of them, TC and Rimpy being two of them. Nay and Bunny are old high school friends, so I communicate with them via email and telephone.

Anyway...the weather here in Texas is starting to cool down, and I'm greatly looking forward to having to wear a jacket and turn on the heat. This summer has been brutal. The heat and drought have been awful. We finally got some good rain a couple of weeks ago. We got 4+" in my locale. Very nice.

Anyhow....off to get ready for work. I hope you all are doing well...TC - You need to start a new blog so I can visit you :-)

Cheers, mofos.

The Bible, Matthew 5:6

2011-08-19T04:47:00.004-05:00

Very apropos bible passage in today’s “look at me worship” society, chock full of selective readers.

http://bible.cc/matthew/6-5.htm

Huh?

2011-08-18T04:41:00.001-05:00

Blog? What Blog?

Well, it appears that I've been severely lacking in my blogging as of late. There are a couple of reasons for that, I suppose.

1. Life is all-consuming.

2. The thrill is gone. With the departure of the vast majority of my small circle of friends and blogger buddies, there isn't that interaction there once used to be. Looking back at 2005-2007 or so, there was quite a lot of activity here and on my friends' blogs.

3. Oh...and then there's Facebook. So three reasons then. FB has allowed me to reconnect and keep in touch with friends I've known for 30+ years, family, coworkers, and the like.

And things just haven't been super-interesting lately. I've reconnected and rekindled my relationship with my sister. That's good news. She left her loser husband a few months ago and I've been helping her financially and with moral support. I went out to visit her a couple of weeks ago and had a great couple of days.

My kids are doing well, though they're pretty much incommunicado with their own lives and such. They call when they need something, but not much more than that. Kinda depressing when I think about it, but...that's just the way they are I suppose.

Expect a "Where the Fuck is Carlos" game coming up in the next few months.

All else is good in Alamoland. Nothing earth-shattering to report. Still getting along just fine.

Happy Mother's Day

2011-05-08T06:08:00.002-05:00

Happy Mothers Day, Mom - wherever you are. I love you and miss you so much.

Grand Rapids, Michigan

Habla?

2011-05-04T04:36:00.000-05:00

Jalapeño is not prounounced "halapeenio"
It's pronounced "hahlahpehnio"

Habanero is not pronounced "hahbahniero"
It's pronounced "ahbahnehro"

People learned out to prounounce words like "dog," "cat," and "fish." I'm unclear how these two words, now pretty prevalent in Amurca, are so fucking hard to learn.

Another Blogger Gone x 2

2011-04-26T04:29:00.001-05:00

Raise The Thunderbeam & The Rants In My Pants

Two blogs by a guy who called himself Rimpy Rimperton. We met online a while back and even collaborated on a blog. He took a break from blogging for Lent. Sunday or Monday I went to visit them again, and poof! They were gone. No adios, no nothing. Such is life.

His blogger profile is still there, but I suspect that'll be gone sometime soon too. I sent him an email, but haven't heard back yet.

Easter

2011-04-24T10:14:00.001-05:00

Happy Easter to whoever still reads this blog!

WTF?

2011-04-21T03:40:00.000-05:00

This morning I saw this post on a friend's FB page. No big deal. I see that kind of stuff all the time. It's worthless, but harmless.

Then I saw this response.

And thought: Fuck you. Where was he for my grandfather? My mother? My best friend? My aunt? It was all I could do to not post some smart ass reply.

Guitar Anonymous

2011-04-17T15:43:00.003-05:00

This dude is a great guitar player...just some random motherfucker who can really git it...

GroovyGrooves.com - The Grooviest Dancing, Singing, and Musician Videos

And...Flight of the fucking Bumblebees

GroovyGrooves.com - The Grooviest Dancing, Singing, and Musician Videos

Little Bird

2011-04-12T20:30:00.000-05:00

Shelley called me to the back sliding door tonight around 6:15pm. Baby, our wonderful two-year-old calico, had a hummingbird in her mouth. I rushed to the door, bopped the cat in the noggin with my foot, and scooped up the little guy. He was barely moving.

We made a little bed for him in a glass dealie, fetched him some sugar water, which we always have handy for our hummingbird feeders, and tried to think of what to do.

I got online and looked for hummingbird rescue centers (my sister called in the middle of it and suggested that). There were none in the San Antonio area. I called a 24hr "emergency" number of a local animal rescue organization at about 6:50pm. No one answered. I left a message.

At around 7:45pm Shelley suggested we bring our injured friend inside, after I read that that rescued hummingbirds should be kept somewhat warm. It was scheduled to get down to 58 tonight.

I was still surfing the internet, looking for someplace to help our bird. Then I saw Shelley at the sliding glass door, holding the glass dealie that held our bird...she was crying. "Oh no," I said....and rushed out. I held her and cried.

We cried and mourned the loss of a fellow being we'd only known for an hour and 45 minutes, more or less.

We buried our beautiful friend our herb garden. My eyes still hurt from crying. My heart still hurts. I've never cried over a hummingbird before.

We held him, comforted him, consoled him, fed him, gave him encouraging words (assuming he was bilingual), and thought he was coming around...only he wasn't. :-(

Right now, at 8:19pm, there's a mockingbird outside singing its ass off. I like to think that he/she is mourning the loss of a cousin.

Here are some pictures I took of him.

RIP, Pinetop

2011-03-22T04:02:00.005-05:00

Pinetop Perkins died yesterday at 97. He played for a good while with my all-time favorite blues musician, Muddy Waters. My ex-wife and I saw him in 2004 at Casbeer's (above) when he was 92. He put on a hell of a show - standing room only. We got to talk with him and shake his hand. Great piano player and showman. I saw him again last year at Sam's Burger Joint with my son. He was a good bit less capable musically, but it was good to see him again.

Casey The Punisher

2011-03-16T19:58:00.002-05:00

Awesome little dude kicks a bully punk's ass!

Winning!

2011-03-05T11:58:00.001-06:00

Fuckers

2011-01-28T18:02:00.001-06:00

I am so fucking tired of violent crime. I’m sick of the fucks doing it, and I’m sick of our weak-ass laws that coddle the violent criminal.

If there’s incontrovertible evidence (like video or a number of eyewitnesses) that someone so much as makes an effort to kill someone, they should be put to death inexpensively and expediently.

If you fire a gun at a person – you should die.

If you lunge at someone with a knife – you should die.

If you swing a bat at someone – you should die.

If you commit robbery and use a deadly weapon – you should die.

And the insanity defense should be no more. I don’t care if someone is sane or insane – There is no room on our planet for killers, would-be or actual.

And the media shouldn’t celebrate or glamorize violent criminals – they should report on their executions.

I imagine you’re wondering what precipitated this little temper tantrum. Well – between the Tucson shooting and the Detroit police officers who were recently shot and killed, I’m pretty sick and tired of the evil and the violent.

Burn, Baby, Burn

2011-01-23T15:26:00.001-06:00

After returning home from some running around, Shelley decided to iron two pairs of pants she bought Saturday. She was a few minutes into her second pair when she noticed a big ol’ stain on them. I helped her find her receipt and sat down to watch some football.

The receipt was pretty crinkled up because the plastic shopping bag was jammed into the plastic bag holder with a bunch of grocery bags. Being the anal retentive type, Shelley decided to get the wrinkles out of it…with the iron. “Oh no!” I heard her squeal. When I asked her what was wrong, she held up the receipt. It was black. The paper is thermal, as is most receipt paper. I chuckled :-)

Amazing

2011-01-14T19:17:00.001-06:00

I fucking love Jon Stewart....

The Daily Show With Jon Stewart

Mon - Thurs 11p / 10c

Veiled Criticism

www.thedailyshow.com

Daily Show Full Episodes

Political Humor & Satire Blog</a>

The Daily Show on Facebook

The Wiener Is....

2011-01-10T04:24:00.004-06:00

Gator!

Congratulations to Mr. Gator, who rarely blogs anny more (ahem), for correctly guessing Ottawa, Canada in this round of Where the Fuck is Carlos?!

And yes, Joker, you're disqualified ;-)

Ottawa, for those of you who haven't been there, is a very nice city, even with all the grey, gloom and snow of winter. The city is beautiful, and the people are very friendly. I'd like to go back one day in the summer.

Where's Carlos?

2011-01-06T23:02:00.006-06:00

Posting one more batch. We already have a winner, but I'm not gonna say who until I get back home. Let's see who else guesses correctly.

Where's Carlos

2011-01-05T21:14:00.000-06:00

Where's Carlos?

2011-01-04T16:17:00.004-06:00

View from the plane, the view from my hotel room, and a couple of pictures of Bruce Bowen at the San Antonio airport...

Full flight

2011-01-04T08:27:00.002-06:00

Full flight. Lots of babies & kids. It's gonna be a long 4hrs. :-(

Where's Carlos

2011-01-04T07:22:00.003-06:00

A crappy pic of Bruce Bowen @ the airport. Just couldn't bring myself to bug him while he was eating.

Sunday

2011-01-02T13:50:00.003-06:00

Did some early-morning running around today, then had a scare with my mom's old cat, Cleo, whom I left at my ex-wife's house (she and the kids are as in-love with her as I am) a couple of years ago. Seems Cleo (an ardent indoor kitty) got out Friday night. I went to the old neighborhood today and drove around, then stopped at the house, chatted with my son, and looked around the shrubs for my beautiful Cleo. I was heartbroken with worry when I couldn't find her. I was in a funk until about 30 minutes ago when my ex called and told me she found Cleo in the bushes - the very bushes I'd looked through. It made me very happy. Now I'm gonna go buy some kitty tags with phone numbers on them and give them to my ex for the three kitties.

Right now I'm sitting around watching football sipping rum, happy Cleo's home.

Later I'll be making some shrimp. Tomorrow, it's back to work :-(

Tuesday begins another exciting episode of Where the Fuck is Carlos, So tune in!

Here's a fun pic I took of a local news broadcast the other day. Seems the Phoenix PD is getting a little younger ;-)

Happy Birthday Mom

2010-12-31T07:02:00.002-06:00

Happy Birthday, Alice - Wherever you are.

I love you and miss you.

Family

2010-12-29T04:52:00.001-06:00

I was thinking the other day…I have a pretty small family. Here it is:

Me
Sister in Arizona
Sister in Texas, 120 miles away
Brother in Caribbean
Cousin in Central California
Cousin in Southern California
Uncle in Central California
Cousin in South America

That’s it for blood relatives, but I also have close family friends:

Male friend (like an uncle) in Arizona
Female friend (like a cousin) in Oregon
Female friend (like an aunt) in Central California
Female friend (like an aunt) in Central California
Male friend (like a cousin) in Southern California
Male friend (like an uncle) in Southern California

Then I have a few very close friends I love very much:

Female friend in Florida
Female friend in New Jersey
Female friend in Mexico
Male friend in Corpus Christi
Male friend in Dallas
Female friend in Oregon
Male friend in North Carolina
Female friend in Southern California
Male friend here in town

Out of all those people, I communicate regularly with only a few. You’d think with email, communicating would be easier and more frequent.

What elicited this post was a box of stuff my ex-wife found and gave to me on Christmas Eve. In it were old letters and cards I’d saved over the years, going back to the early 70s. It was fun going through them.

Does anyone write anymore? I do, but I tend to do it via email because it’s easier for me to type than it is to write. When I was a kid I had to take special writing classes because I was evidently doing something wrong – it hurt to write because I pressed down with my forefinger too hard. Hand writing still sucks for me today, so I type. It may seem impersonal, but I do it for three reasons:

1. It’s much faster at 100wpm
2. It’s legible
3. It doesn’t hurt

Anyway…that was about as uninteresting a post as I’ve ever written. So sue me.

Hope you three regular readers out there had a wonderful Christmas. All is well here with me and Shelley. Our Christmas was nice, and our new year’s eve will be quiet.

Christmas

2010-12-19T04:42:00.001-06:00

A song I hum incessantly around here this time of year.

Shopping's done, except for an Amazon gift certificate and a couple of gas cards for the kids.

Genealogy

2010-12-10T05:23:00.003-06:00

For the last few years I've been dabbling (sometimes obsessively) in genealogy. On occasion I'll find an historical society to which I'll send an email asking questions and for additional resources in the area in which I'm interested.

With most of them, I'll send a low-resolution scan of one of the old letters I have, and offer to provide high-resolution versions via CD. You see...the letters are hand-written, and date back to 1790. They're written by my ancestors, and some are fairly prominent people in regional history.

The funny thing is, none of these historical societies ever write back. I get return receipts, but no one ever answers; even if I follow up with the. Pretty fucking sad in my book. If I were involved in an historical society (and took it seriously), I'd damned sure be interested in getting my hands on these old letters.

Oh well...I'll just have to travel there I guess, and use the local libraries.

Halleluja

2010-12-05T16:47:00.006-06:00

Shelley's sister sent me the link to this video. I watched it, and it nearly brought tears to my eyes. I called Shelley into my computer lair to watch it, and tears streamed down both of our faces as we watched it. Neither of us was sure why.

Miscellany

2010-11-20T06:05:00.003-06:00

I was reading an article in Time about medical marijuana and the legalization of it. Among the pile of text on the topic, there was some writing about the effects of it on the brain and how it can contribute to cancer. These issues are championed by opponents. I wonder how interested they are in banning alcohol for all the horrible things to which its use/abuse can be attributed.

Legalize weed already. Prohibition didn’t work, neither does weedhibition! It’s a monumental waste of taxpayers’ dollars.

----

I saw this Jersey Douche in the wild at the Minneapolis airport on Thursday. Fucking hilarious.

---

Spending the afternoon with my son today, and looking forward to it. Been a while Since I’ve seen him.

Dog

2010-11-14T06:52:00.006-06:00

There’s a dog that lives down the road. Every time I drive by, I’m struck by how thoughtful he looks. He exudes contemplativeness, and I can’t help but believe I could sit down at a table with him and have a conversation over drinks.

Then he licks his balls or sniffs his yard-mate’s ass and ruins everything.

He is pretty awesome though. I need to take some pictures of him and post them.

Food

2010-11-12T05:23:00.001-06:00

I've decided to write a cook book. It's going to be called:

Food That Gives Me Wood

I'm not sure how well it'll go over in the mainstream, but it's something I'd like to leave around for my son. It'll be a compilation of family recipes that I really, really fucking love. Food that I love more than sex. Well, okay - maybe not that much. But you get the point.

I started the list last night....

Daughter

2010-10-26T17:32:00.000-05:00

My daughter moved out her mom’s house last week, a few days after getting back from an out-of-state trip with me. She’s 18. That’s just about the time I moved out back when I was young and stupid.

She’s living about 10 miles down the road from me at some dude’s house with his folks. I did a little digging and found out that he’s around 20 or 21. His parents apparently have a bit of $. I’ve never met the guy before, either has her mom.

Both of us are a bit worried because she’s in party mode (weed & drink mostly), but that worry is tempered by the fact that we filled out daughter’s head full of good advice and guidance over the years, as have other family members.

I hope she snaps the fuck out of it soon and realizes there’s more to life than what she’s currently seeing. That’s why I took her out of state with me…so she could see there’s more to life than her narrow little world. It was a good trip I’d hoped would have an effect on her direction.

It took me two years to get my head screwed on straight after high school – and we talked about that on our trip. I even took her by the shit-ass house I used to live in with some hoodlum friends. I hope it doesn’t take her as long as it did me.

High School

2010-10-24T17:01:00.008-05:00

I reconnected with a high school friend on Facebook back in May. Below is our first communication since 1980.

Then I went to our high school reunion on the weekend of October 15th. I saw my old chum at the social Friday night. It was a pleasure to see and talk to her again.

Hearing such wonderful compliments from someone I haven't seen in 30+ years almost makes me feel good about the human race.

For the record, Kristi was just as smart, wonderful and engaging as she was in high school.

The Drunk

2010-10-22T04:56:00.004-05:00

A drunk walks out of a bar with a key in his hand. He's stumbling back and forth. A cop on the beat sees him and approaches,

"Can I help you, Sir?"

"Yessh! Ssshomebody sshtole my carrr", the man replies.

The cop asks, "Where was your car the last time you saw it?"

"It wasss on the end of thisshh key", the man replies.

About that time the cop looks down and sees the man's dick hanging out of his fly.

So the cop asks the man, "Sir are you aware that you are exposing yourself?"

Momentarily confused, the drunk looks down and, without missing a beat, blurts out....

"Holy shit! My girlfriend's gone, too!!

Oops

2010-09-28T04:25:00.001-05:00

Well, I did it again. I forgot my blog’s birthday! I’ll chalk it up to premature senility. That’s a card I get to play every now and again now that I’m 48 (In September, by the way).

Anyway…This post is the six hundred and sixty fifth post of my blog’s life. My blog turned FIVE on August 12th of this year. Here’s the first post of my blog:

“Maybe I'm a little behind the curve with regard to Blogs, but I finally got around to it. A dear old friend in Idaho started one of her own here so I figured I'd start one too. I'm not sure what I'm going to rave about, but be sure I have a lot shit to say about many aspects of life, community, politics, the world, and a buncha other stuff.So sit back and read if you feel so inclined. If you don't that's fine too. You're more than welcome to comment in opposition to any of my viewpoints, but please try to be civil.

AMF”

Oh, and if it’s any consolation (and I’m not sure why it would be), I missed my own birthday in September. Not in real life, but rather in blog life!

The Wiener Is...

2010-09-25T08:38:00.001-05:00

Rimpy Rimpington, who guessed Seattle! Congratulations again! Wish I had some prizes to dole out!

Where the Fuck Was Carlos?

2010-09-21T08:17:00.002-05:00

Please accept my humble apologies for being such a slacker! Happy guessing!

Where The Fuck Is Carlos?

2010-09-08T21:14:00.001-05:00

It's almost time for another exciting episode, kiddies. I'll post pics upon my return, as I'm not taking my laptop.

Brownies

2010-09-03T23:10:00.000-05:00

Bitchin' recipe

The Wiener Is

2010-09-01T05:04:00.001-05:00

Congratulations to Rimpy, who correctly guessed Where The Fuck I Was - San Diego, California. How the hell did you do it? I think I know, but I'll let you share your prowess with the masses (all three of them)!

WTFIC?

2010-08-24T19:11:00.003-05:00

2010-08-23T11:11:00.001-05:00

WTFIC? Tough One 4 Rimpster

Sunday - Prelude to WTFIC

2010-08-22T16:01:00.003-05:00

It's been a nice, slow weekend. Well...if you don't inlcude the lawn mowing and the grass killing I did in the lot behind us.

Tomorrow is travel day. Good luck, fuckers!

Former Bloggers :-(

2010-08-20T04:37:00.003-05:00

Once upon a time I had a blogger buddy named Nigel. The dude was a real hoot. He's provided me witith many laughs over the last few years.

Over time, as seems to be the case with most bloggers, his blogging slowed down to nearly a stop. I moved my browser favorite to his blog to an "inactive" folder. (I do that often, and check in every so often to see if they start back up.).

Anyway...

On 2/19/09 he posted. At some point after that he shut it down. That's when I moved the fave into the "inactive" folder. He opened it back up in June of 2009 and made two posts, then didn't post again until November. Then a few posts in January of 2010, and two in March.

On May 18th, he posted this, explaining why he wasn't around so much any more: Lung cancer.

On 7/22 he posted this:

"Medical Update
Well, shlubs, being that it is what it is, here now is my latest and greatest:

I have a vision of heaven. It's Lindsey Lohan crying while Mel Gibson screams at her.
Loads of fun at parties.
Doctors suck
Doctors really suck
Doctors suck dead hippos, though nurses are okey-doke with me, mostly due to the sponge-baths.
Don't smoke.

The end, shlubs."

Shame...Fucking shame. Visit his blog, and enjoy the wit of Nigel St. John Regina Smegmatica Howle-Raines.

AND THEN THERE WAS PEG
She had cancer too.
She stopped blogging in April of 2009 without a trace.
Poor thing.

Here's one iteration of her blog. She had two or more over the years.

Monday

2010-08-16T18:45:00.002-05:00

Had the day off today, like I do every other Monday. Felt kinda "flu-y" this morning, but it wore off as the day wore on. Went to the dentist for a good cleaning. I hate the dentist. Must have something to do with the years I wore braces. The cats had it worse. We took Kitty and Baby in for a checkup and boosters. They did well, even when the tech violated them with a kitty rectal thermometer. Made me feel okay about the dentist. ;-)

Well, it's officially almost time for another round of Where the Fuck is Carlos. I'll be out of town next week and will try to make it somewhat challenging, but not impossible.

Made some righteous teriyaki chicken tonight. Made the sauce from scratch, which I'd never done before. It was really good.

Cheers, bitches.

Life

2010-08-08T16:41:00.002-05:00

I filled out a life-expectancy questionnaire on a site that helps one plan retirement. There weren't a ton of questions, but it doesn't look like I'll be around much more than 24 more years. In other words, I'll live to a ripe old age of 71.

And here I thought I would live forever. I better start doing some shit now.

Interestingly, I've been craving a cigarette lately; this, five years and eleven months of not smoking.

Thursday

2010-08-05T05:12:00.002-05:00

As I was falling asleep in bed last night, I thought boy it sucks getting old. What happened to my youth?

I get tired earlier.
I Wake up earlier.
My knees crack when I squat or get up from a chair.
My back hurts if I'm on my feet too long.

My mind feels 18, but my body ain't cooperating so much....nothing serious - just a little creaky and slower than I used to be...

Off to work...

Food

2010-07-18T09:22:00.003-05:00

There's a Mexican restaurant in town called La Paloma Blanca. It's a fancy-ish place that I never expected would have really, really good, authentic food. I've been there a dozen times in the last year or so and have never had a bad experience.

I was reading some reviews online today and saw someone gave it one star. Then I noticed where the person was from: Vermont. Pffft....whatever, honey.

The food is, in fact, wonderfully authentic and I've I've eaten Mexican food all my life - At home (Mom, In-laws, family, etc), in Mexico City (where I was born), Progreso (Yucatan), Monterrey, Hermosillo, Bahia Kino, and Puerto Peñasco, etc.

I went to Paloma Blanca just yesterday with Shelley. It was superb, as always.

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Went grocery shopping yesterday. Got a 4lb chuck roast that we'll be preparing today. I'll document it photographically!

Cheers.

Wednesday

2010-07-14T05:09:00.000-05:00

This week started off with one, big, giant, shitty Monday. The combination of workload, morons, and an oppressive headache made it a fuck of a day. Yesterday was much better. Today I hope will be better yet again.

Went to Austin over 4th of July weekend. Visited the LBJ Library & Museum, which was cool. They had an exhibit on Walter Cronkite, which was bitchin’ too. Ate at The Omelettry, Café Bleu (on Lake Travis), and another fantastic joint that will remain nameless ;-). Shelley did well, despite being in a cervical collar. She tired quickly, but didn’t over-do it.

Last weekend my daughter came over to stay the night Friday night. We watched movies, ate popcorn, and relaxed. Saturday I made her a delicious batch of fried green tomatoes & okra from my garden. It was a nice weekend.

Work sucks. I’m just plain tired of it. The pay is quite good, but the job is way un-challenging.

Cheers, my three loyal readers :-)

Brown Hand Syndrome?

2010-07-08T05:04:00.004-05:00

I saw this commercial on television when I was up in Austin last weekend. It cracked me up because the first thing I thought of was that this was a treatment center for people with an aversion to using toilet paper.

God, I'm juvenile ;-)

Wednesday

2010-07-07T05:06:00.002-05:00

Shelley Dear is doing well. She's still very sore. I feel so sorry for her. I wish I could make it all better or bear the pain for her. We had a relaxing, four-day weekend at her daughter's house.

This weekend my lovely daughter is coming over to stay the night. I'm looking forward to it. I love that little girl, even though she's not so little any more. I miss her to pieces.

Three Word Wednesday - Trip

2010-06-30T05:19:00.001-05:00

The rules, if you wanna call 'em that, are here.
Today's Words: Hassle, Inject, Wealth

Trip (A True Story)

Yesterday began with the usual hassle – Getting ready for work. My girlfriend and I left the house around 6:00am and stopped at a local convenience store so she could get some milk for cereal at work. I parked and she got out. She was wearing white denim pants and a pretty, pink, silk blouse I’d got her for Christmas in 2008.

It was still dark. I watched her turn to her left as she approached the door to the convenience store – a wealth of bounce and happy in her step. Suddenly she tripped and fell forward. Her legs raced to catch up with her upper body, which was sprinting ahead. Her legs lost the race, and she stumbled about four feet forward, landing hard on her left knee. She continued her fall. The top of her head hit the shatter-proof glass of the door and bent her neck back. She collapsed on the hard concrete.

I leapt out of the car and sprinted to her. I kneeled next to her and asked her what hurt: “My neck and my knee.” She was crying. I immobilized her neck and told the store clerk to call an ambulance. Five minutes later, an off-duty paramedic, at the store for coffee on his way to work, stopped to help. The local EMTs arrived five or so minutes later.

I was calm and (I hope) comforting throughout, but my heart broke; it cried deeply as I wished I could bear all the pain she was feeling.

It took about 35 minutes for the ambulance to get her to the hospital. I was in her ER room soon after arriving, asking how she was. I watched the nurse inject her with morphine to ease her pain. The kindest, gentlest, and most peaceful woman I’ve ever met in my life – a woman I love – was in pain, and there was nothing I could do to stop it.

After several X-Rays, a CT scan, and a few hours, the neurosurgeon came in and announced that she had a deep contusion on her left knee and that a small piece of bone had broken off of her fourth cervical vertebra. Fortunately, no surgery is required – just a cervical collar.

We arrived home in the vicinity of 3:30pm. We changed clothes. Shelley sat down on the couch and drifted off into a deep, peaceful sleep. The house was quiet, except for the sound of my sobbing heart.

Taste It

2010-06-08T05:16:00.001-05:00

Love

2010-06-07T09:53:00.002-05:00

Three Word Wednesday

2010-06-03T05:22:00.001-05:00

The rules, if you wanna call 'em that, are here.
Today's Words: Budge, Nimble, Theory

His theory was that if he were mentally nimble enough, his wife would budge, despite her contention that flea markets were for double-wide-dwellers.

Three Word Wednesday

2010-05-27T05:03:00.003-05:00

The rules, if you wanna call 'em that, are here.
Today's Words: Abandon, Gradual, Precise

The driver, eased up next to her. She noticed the gradual drift of the other car as it was directly abeam of hers. He was on the phone, oblivious to the world. She wondered if she should abandon her position in traffic, and slow down to let Mr. Center of the Universe slip into her lane – In the interest of safety, of course. At once, she decided against it and gave the horn two taps.

In a split second, and simultaneously: he turned his head toward her; he noticed the woman’s middle finger extended toward him. Her mouth formed the unmistakable, voiceless labiodental fricative that would surely precede “uck you!”

She saw the man jerk the wheel in response to the sudden realization of the close proximity of his car to hers, a look of surprise on his face. His car lurched to the right and was nearly immediately out of her view. Three seconds later she saw it tumbling down the interstate in her rear-view-mirror, glass and metal flying up into the air as it rolled and flipped. She saw smoke rising from other cars’ tires as drivers stood on brakes to avoid hitting the somersaulting hunk of metal and the poor, self-centered man who had been discharged from it. The reactions of both the man and the woman were precise…

For a split-second she thought it was her fault.
For a split-second he thought about his family.

Three Word Wednesday

2010-05-26T04:41:00.006-05:00

The rules, if you wanna call 'em that, are here.
Today's Words: Dread, Grasp, Pacify

I sometimes dread the thought I’m no longer immortal, as I was in my youth; and grasp at memories to pacify my sometimes-worried soul.

Tuesday

2010-05-25T04:47:00.001-05:00

Had a nice three-day weekend. Did some gardening, pest control, and relaxing for sure. I made some ribs on Saturday, the recipe for which I got from the Food Network (Alton Brown). They were so-so, but only because they were a little sweet for my liking. I made another rack of the same ribs (minus the glaze) on Monday.

I’ve won my battle with the pill bugs, which ravaged my cauliflower and damaged cabbage and bell peppers. I’m still waging war with caterpillars though. They are some hard fuckers to kill.

Went out Saturday looking for a new computer. I’d done online shopping and reviewed Consumer Reports reviews, but thought I’d stop by a local computer place and see how much it’d cost me to build a new one. My trusty ol’ girl is still trusty, and still wonderful – it’s just getting a little old. It’s seven years old now, which like seventy in computer years. The new one I want will run me about $1,400.00. That’s because I need some rather high-end components so I can get into video editing. I plan on converting VHS and editing the video before throwing it on DVD. I’ve been doing a bit of photography too, and Photoshop Elements doesn’t run on my XP machine, only on my laptop.

There are thunderstorms on the horizon making some long, rolling thunder. I hope they’re coming my way.

Today’s my Monday. Happy week!

Holy Shit

2010-05-14T18:56:00.000-05:00

“Life’s journey is not to arrive at the grave safely in a well preserved body, but rather to skid in sideways, totally worn out, shouting ‘Holy shit! What a ride!’” Mavis Leyrer, 83.

The Wiener

2010-05-10T07:59:00.003-05:00

Congratulations to Rimpy, the esteemed winner of this round of Where The Fuck Is Carlos! I was, in fact, in Wimberley, Texas - a wonderful little town just outside of Austin!

Mother's Day

2010-05-09T06:36:00.003-05:00

Happy Mother's Day, Mom. I've missed you so.

Where The Fuck Was Carlos?

2010-05-08T07:37:00.015-05:00

Yeah...I suck. I'd put captions on the pics, but the photo interface on Blogger sucks ass.

Happy guessing :-)

Ernie Harwell Dies

2010-05-05T19:06:00.002-05:00

Tigers announcer Ernie Harwell knew when to let the game tell the story. Vin Scully does the same. Joe Buck should follow their example and shut the fuck up once in a while.

Where The Fuck Is Carlos?

2010-04-23T04:20:00.001-05:00

Road trip!

I'll post pics on my return, bitches ;-)

Off Today

2010-04-21T12:24:00.001-05:00

So I'm off today sick, for the second day in a row (sinus infection). I figured I'd sit down and watch District 9, which I bought a few months ago on Blue Ray, but never watched.

I'm about ten seconds from smashing the fucking disc up into little pieces and mailing it to Sony. I've never seen such an idiotic fucking menu and chain of events one must endure to see a god damned movie: forced previews, cryptographic menus, a system that freezes....What a piece of fucking shit. I've been dicking around with the forsaken bastard for 25 minutes and have yet to see the movie. I'll give it ten minutes, then it's getting smashed to bits.

Saturday

2010-04-17T04:28:00.004-05:00

It's a rainy, rainy morning - Just like it's been all week. Yesterday we got a bit of a reprieve, but it's been pretty damned so far this spring. April showers, right?

This week is Fiesta Week in San Antonio...the rain is really killing it so far this year. I thought about going but, for a few reasons, I've decided not to partake...

Today I'll continue refinishing a dresser....hopefully get a coat of stain on it....Other than that - it's gonna be relaxation....

People my age (47) shouldn't ever, under any circumstances use the "word" chillaxed. It's kinda like wearing a baseball cap backwards or saying "fo' shizzle."

I'm Back?

2010-04-16T06:02:00.001-05:00

For those two, or maybe three, of you who still check into my blog – I offer my apologies for sucking so bad lately.

It seems just like yesterday that I started blogging, and just as recently that I scaled way back on blogging. It’s not that I don’t like writing, because I really fucking do; it’s because my life seems so busy lately. Some of it’s valid “life stuff,” but other of it is just plain old “me time.” I’ve been dabbling in photography, after buying myself around $3K worth of digital SLR. I’ve also been playing myself and assload of Xbox – primarily Call of Duty Modern Warfare 2 and Tiger Woods Golf (I keep waiting for the man-slut upgrade to download.).

Let’s see…what else have I been doing….Gardening. I started my vegetable garden a couple of weeks ago. It’s got lettuce, celery, bush beans, cauliflower, Brussels sprouts, cabbage, spinach, tomatoes, herbs, onions, and some other stuff I can’t recall right now. I don’t think the lettuce is gonna come in (got flooded by a LOT of rain the last couple of days), so I think I might throw some random shit in there like eggplant, etc.

The other day I saw something on the CNN web site that talked about some dil-weed governors declaring April Confederate Heritage Month. Really? Are we really having this fucking discussion in two-thousand-fucking-ten? It bothered me just enough to dedicate the preceding paragraph to it.

And politics….My Dumbasses in Government blog has been notably quiet, but not because there’s a shortage of dumbass politicians – only laziness on my part. I’m not sure what all the hoopla is on the Right about the current administration – but it kinda bothers me that civility in our society has been tossed right out the fucking window.

Today is a day off. Sorta. I have a work picnic to go to. The options were – work or do the picnic…so I’m doing the picnic. Kind of a no-brainer at this point in my life. I’m just not that interested in killing myself at work any more. I work my ass off when there, but when there’s an out, I’m there; and when I’m not at work, I don’t think about it.

Yesterday, while just nodding off in front of the television, I looked through blurriness and noticed one of the cats sitting on a plant in a pot on the coffee table. I thought, That’s weird. Why would Kitty be sitting on the plant? As my eyes focuses I noticed the urine pooling up on the glass top of the table. “Hey, you dick! Get off of there!!!” Shelley noticed it at the same time. Kitty pinched it off and scampered off. Fortunately none of it got on the carpet. It wasn’t fun to clean up, but not horrible like a male cat’s piss would’ve been. What a weird fucking experience.

Anyhoo…I’m outta here fer now….

Texas Drift

2010-04-10T06:28:00.000-05:00

Do you ever feel adrift? That’s what I’ve been feeling a little lately, and I’m not quite sure why. I miss my kids. I don’t see nearly enough of them. I reach out, but they don’t always reciprocate. I understand. They’re young and busy and having fun. I miss them like crazy. I miss joking around with them, watching TV and movies with them….going places and doing things with them, and all that kind of stuff.

Work sucks lately. I mean really sucks. There’s a core group of people I work with who are fantastic, competent, and have a good work ethic. But…there are a few people who really don’t know what the fuck they’re doing, and they’re too stupid to know they don’t know what the fuck they’re doing. Really. It’s frustrating. I mean, even their reading comprehension is the worst. You can show ‘em something in black and white and they still won’t get it.

On top of that, it seems my list of things to do outside of work is so long I can barely get any of it done. There’s so much I have and want to do…the trouble is prioritizing it and balancing everything. I used to be pretty good at balancing shit to do, but not so much lately…

Ricky Martin's Gay - Shocking!

2010-03-30T04:38:00.003-05:00

Not! Click the pic for the full story.

And The Wiener Is...

2010-03-21T23:30:00.008-05:00

Gator! Congratulations, buddy. I think you're the reigning fucking king!

Where The Fuck Is Carlos?

2010-03-17T21:16:00.004-05:00

Cell phone pics, so not the greatest, except for the beautiful blond with beautiful boobs ;-) Oh, the poochie is cute too.

Where The Fuck Is Carlos?

2010-03-15T22:52:00.001-05:00

Where The Fuck Is Carlos?

2010-03-15T00:17:00.001-05:00

Where The Fuck Is Carlos?

2010-03-14T11:27:00.002-05:00

Where The Fuck Is Carlos?

2010-03-13T03:28:00.004-06:00

It's that time again boys and girls - all three of you. I'm leaving today on a business trip. I'll post pics when I can.

2010 Olympics Announcing

2010-03-04T04:43:00.005-06:00

After all my whining about the horrific announcing by NBC Olympics commentators, the announcing of the US/Canada hockey final was superb. They hired a real, live, actual, professional sports announcer to do it, and boy could you tell.

Thank you NBC for (almost) making up for the piss-poor announcing the rest of the games. Don't let it go to your head though, your coverage still sucked ass.

Huh?

2010-02-23T17:57:00.000-06:00

ESPN commentator Tony Kornheiser got suspended for saying some benign shit about Hannah Storm, a fellow ESPN employee and Sports Center host. Here’s what he posted:

“Hannah Storm in a horrifying, horrifying outfit today. She's got on red go-go boots and a catholic school plaid skirt. Way too short for somebody in her 40s or maybe early 50s by now. And she's got on her typically very, very tight shirt. So she looks like she's got sausage casing wrapping around her upper body. I mean, I know she's very good, and I'm not supposed to be critical of ESPN people, so I won't ... But, Hannah Storm, come on now! Stop! What are you doing? ... [She's] what I would call a Holden Caulfield fantasy at this point.”

This was reported on a Yahoo sports blog.

Why didn’t any pictures accompany the blog post? I mean, it really might’ve been a horrifying outfit! News and sports organizations dressing women up for unwarranted, inappropriate attention isn’t anything no one notices. So cut Kornheiser a fucking break or post the pictures.

Why do I care about this kind of shit and how can I reclaim the part of my life I wasted reading the blog post and typing this worthless shit no one will ever read?

Olympics Rant - Part Deux

2010-02-16T06:36:00.003-06:00

So last night when they were presenting the medals to the men's moguls winners, I noticed something.

When they presented the bronze to Bryon Wilson, the crowd seemed VERY loud and enthusiastic - and Bob Costas didn't say a word.

But...when they presented the silver to Australian Dale Begg-Smith, Costas talked through the whole fucking presentation. How fucking rude is that? Wow.

Costas only talked through part of the presentation of the gold to Canada's Alexandre Bilodeau. I really expected the audience to explode during this presentation, but it was muffled - like NBC had turned the gain down on their microphones. Compared to the audience noise when Wilson got his bronze, the respones to the silver and bronze winners was notably less loud.

Very odd indeed. So far, NBC gets an "F" for their coverage.

Olympics Schmolympics

2010-02-15T19:55:00.002-06:00

I don’t want to sound like a malcontent, but fuck – what the hell is NBC doing with their Olympics coverage? I mean – I watch the Olympics to see sports competition. I don’t tune in to see an up-close-and-personal, sappy, gushy vignette about Snowboard Suzie and her training hardships (coach wouldn’t let her have lattes on training days); and I damned well didn’t tune in to watch a piece about fucking polar bears in Churchill, Manitoba.

Dear NBC: Fuck you. How can you show such sappy garbage when there’s so much awesome fucking competition going on? Thanks bejeezus I record most of it so I can skip the bullshit and your sponsors.

I’m done.

Healthcare

2010-02-13T06:30:00.001-06:00

The Daily Show With Jon Stewart

Mon - Thurs 11p / 10c

The Apparent Trap

http://www.thedailyshow.com/

Daily Show
Full Episodes

Political Humor

Health Care Crisis

Football

2010-01-24T17:49:00.001-06:00

Why to professional athletes and coaches thank God after they win a game? Do they really think they're that important? Do they really think God prefers them over the other team(s)? Do they really think God factors football games into the Big Plan? Somehow I think not.

Thank someone else guys - Your dad, your coaches, your passion for the game. Leave religion out of it.

Fail Blog

2010-01-21T18:19:00.000-06:00

If this is true, this is just so very, very wrong :-)

http://failblog.org/2009/12/29/roommate-fail/

Help

2010-01-14T04:41:00.002-06:00

If you've never donated something to a country in our hemisphere, Haiti is the perfect candidate for your first.

I spent a good bit of time in Haiti in the early 80s and early 90s and assure you it is the most staggeringly impoverished nation in the hemisphere. It's not just news hype.

So take a little time to help Haiti and its poor. This is especially important after the recent, devastating earthquake.

Here are two more links you can copy/paste into your browser address bar...

American Red Cross
White House (You'll find a wait to donate by text msg)
Yele Haiti

Really.
Give a dollar or two...or twenty....or more.
I did.
You should too.
Every little bit helps.

Whoooooaaaaaaa!!!!!!!

2010-01-11T04:56:00.002-06:00

Sorry I've been a little scarce. Been doing a lot of crap on Facebook. I've been reconnecting with long-lost friends, and helping to plan our my 30-year high school reunion. Wow. Thirty fucking years. Are you kidding me? Shit. What happened to that "Hope I die before I get old" attitude? Pffft...Now I hope I die before I'm unable to take care of myself. It's amazing how perspective changes over time, ain't it?

New Year

2010-01-01T15:36:00.003-06:00

Yesterday was a quiet day. I cooked another rib roast (because they fucking rule), and lazed around for the most part.

While watching Ohio State pummel the poor Ducks, I noticed some things that bugged me (go figure).

I’d like to know who decided to start calling it the Rose Bowl Game instead of just the Rose Bowl. I understand the stadium is the actual Rose Bowl, but people have been calling the game itself the Rose Bowl forever; forever, that is, until some dimwit decided a change was in order because of this egregious technicality. To him I offer a hearty, “Fuck you!” It’s the Rose Bowl and always will be.

After Ohio State won the game, there was a static graphic at the bottom of the screen that read “Ohio State University – Rose Bowl Game (pres. by Citi) Champions.” To me, that was the

New Year
Twenty-ten?
Two-thousand ten?

I prefer the latter. Shelley prefers the former. Apparently there’s a big discussion somewhere on the instanet about how to refer to 2010. Brian Williams even mentioned it on the NBC Evening News last night. Interesting. Personally I think we can refer to it however the hell we want. I can’t imagine there’s any practical reason (except for saving a syllable, a word, and a few letters.

Birthday
This year is the first year I ever, ever forgot my mom’s birthday. I was reminded of the fact when I got an email from an old family friend yesterday.

Mom’s birthday was December 31st. Happy belated birthday, Mom! I miss you, as ever. Shelley suggested it might be that I’ve healed a little more after Mom’s passing in 2004. Regardless, it made my eyes well up and made me feel pretty crappy.

Bowl Time

2010-01-01T11:04:00.002-06:00

It’s bowl time once again boys and girls, and you know what that means. It means it’s time for me to laugh and make fun of all the stupid fucking bowl games out there. Here’s my hall of shame from this year’s list. They all suck, but the truly lamest ones are marked with an asterisk.

Rose Bowl Game Presented by Citi
Allstate Sugar Bowl
*Konica Minolta Gator Bowl
Sheraton Hawaii Bowl
AT&T Cotton Bowl
Tostitos Fiesta Bowl
Fedex Orange Bowl
*St. Petersburg Bowl – Presented by Beef ‘O’ Brady’s
*R&L Carriers New Orleans Bowl
*MAACO Las Vegas Bowl
*San Diego County Credit Union Poinsettia Bowl
*Little Caesars Bowl
****Meineke Car Care Bowl
***Gaylord Hotels Music City Bowl
***Advocare V100 Independence Bowl
**EagleBank Bowl
**Champs Sports Bowl
*Roady’s Humanitarian Bowl
*Pacific Life Holiday Bowl
*Bell Helicopter Armed Forces Bowl
***Brut [by Faberge go to 3:40 mark] Sun Bowl
*Insight Bowl
*Chick-fil-A Bowl
*Outback Bowl
*Capital One Bowl
***Papajohns.com Bowl
*AutoZone Liberty Bowl
*Valero Alamo Bowl
*GMAC Bowl
**Citi BCS National Championship Game

Dumbing Down

2009-12-31T04:38:00.002-06:00

This is going to be a permanent post on my blog. I intend to add entries to it as I encounter instances of how things are getting mo’ stupider in our society. The most recent entries will be at the top. Enjoy.

12/31/09
I saw a preview of a local tee-vee news story last night that promised to inform us how contagious H1N1 flu is; instead of using the word contagious, the subtitle read “How ‘catchy’ is it?” Catchy? Are you kidding me? Really? Come on, dudes.

12/6/09
Back in the months following the September 11th attacks on the WTC, anthrax was all the rage. During the first few days of furious coverage, they referred to a particular form of anthrax properly – as subcutaneous anthrax. Then someone somewhere decided the Amurcan public was too fucking stupid to a) know what that meant; and b) Use a dictionary. So they started referring to it as “under-the-skin anthrax.”

Commercials lately have stopped using the word “antacid.” They now use the term “acid reducer.”

Kyra Phillips, of CNN, was reading some dude’s quote and changed the word he used (abhor) to despise. WTF?

Who?

2009-12-27T16:34:00.000-06:00

When Dodgers shortstop Chin-Lung Hu singled in a 2007 game against the Padres, announcer Vin Scully said, “And Hu’s on first.”

Poetry

2009-12-26T19:07:00.001-06:00

The Idiot’s Lament
Her has come
Her has went
Her has left I all alone
Oh, how can it was
– Anonymous

The Moron
See the happy moron,
He doesn’t give a damn!
I wish I were a moron–
My God! Perhaps I am!
– Anonymous

Merry Christmas

2009-12-25T06:15:00.003-06:00

Sometime last year, someone took this 70lb turtle off our mailbox. Pretty shitty, if you ask me. Poor fella.

Tib's Eve

2009-12-23T19:27:00.006-06:00

Happy Tib's Eve to all three (or is it two now?) loyal readers.

Ever see one of these? I know you have. I think I fucked with every one in Southern California and the Phoenix area when I was a young'n.

Now for a few of my all-time favorite George Carlin quotes:

"Regarding public Christmas displays: At some point, someone who worked at Rockefeller Center must have said, 'Boys, I have a great idea for Christmas. Let's kill a beautiful tree that's been alive for seventy-five years and bring it to New York City. We'll stand it up in Rockefeller Plaza and conceal its natural beauty by hanging shiny, repulsive, man-made objects on it, and let it stand there slowly dying for several weeks while simpleminded children stare at it and people from Des Moines take pictures of it. That way, perhaps we can add our own special, obscene imprint to Christmas in Midtown.' "

"That's another complaint of mine - too much use of this prefix 'pre.' It's all over the language now — 'pre' -this, 'pre' -that, place the turkey in a 'pre-heated' oven. It's ridiculous! There are only two states an oven can possibly exist in: Heated or unheated! "Pre-heated" is a meaningless fucking term! It's like 'pre-recorded' — 'This program was pre-recorded.' Well, of course it was pre-recorded! When else are you gonna record it, afterwards? That's the whole purpose of recording; to do it beforehand! Otherwise it doesn't really work, does it? 'Pre-existing,' 'pre-planning,' 'pre-screening' — you know what I tell these people? Pre-suck my genital situation! And they seem to understand what I'm talking about."

"If a fetus is a human being, how come the census doesn't count them? If a fetus is a human being, how come when there's a miscarriage they don't have a funeral? If a fetus is a human being, how come people say 'We have two children and one on the way' instead of saying 'We have three children?' People say life begins at conception. I say life began about a billion years ago and it's a continuous process. Continuous, just keeps rolling along."

"You know the best thing about necrophilia? You don't have to bring flowers. Yeah... Usually, they're already there."

"I call him Governor Bush because that's the only political office he's ever held legally in this country."

"Here's another one of these civic customs: swearing on the Bible. Do you understand that shit? They tell you to raise your right hand, place your left hand on the Bible. Does this stuff really matter? Which hand? Does God really give a fuck about details like this? Suppose you put right hand on the Bible, you raise your left hand. Would that count? Or would God say: 'Sorry, wrong hand! Try again!' Why does one hand have to be raised? What is the magic in this gesture? This seems like some sort of a primitive voodoo mojo stick. Why not put your left hand on the Bible, let your right hand hang down by your side? That's more natural. Or put it in your pocket. That's what your mother used to say. 'Don't put your hands in your pockets!' Does she know something we don't know? Is this hand shit really important? Let's get back to the Bible: America's favorite national theatrical prop. Suppose the Bible they hand you to swear on is upside-down. Or backward. Or both! And you swear to tell the truth on an upside-down backward Bible. Would that count? Suppose the Bible they hand you is an old Bible and half the pages are missing. Suppose all they have is a Chinese Bible, in an American court! Or Braille Bible, and you're not blind! Suppose they hand you an upside-down backward Chinese Braille Bible and half the pages missing! At what point does all of this stuff just break down and become just a lot of stupid shit that somebody made up? They fucking made it up, folks! It's make-believe!"

"One thing leads to another? Not always. Sometimes one thing leads to the same thing. Ask an addict."

"I don't understand why prostitution is illegal. Selling is legal. Fucking is legal. Why isn't selling fucking legal? You know, why should it be illegal to sell something that's perfectly legal to give away? I can't follow the logic on that one at all! Of all the things you can do, giving someone an orgasm is hardly the worst thing in the world. In the army they give you a medal for spraying napalm on people! In civilian life you go to jail for giving someone an orgasm!"

"The mayfly lives only one day. And sometimes it rains."

"There's something I like about the clitoris, but I can't quite put my finger on it."

"I had no shoes, and I felt sorry for myself until I met a man who had no feet. I took his shoes. Now I feel better."

Monday

2009-12-21T17:28:00.007-06:00

So the other day the Pope declared that condoms are not the answer to AIDS. He said:

"You can't resolve it with the distribution of condoms."
And
"On the contrary, it increases the problem."

While I agree that condoms are not the end-all to AIDS, I strenuously disagree with his contention that they increase the problem.

People are gonna fuck. They can say they’re pure as the driven snow, and they’re abstaining from this or that, but in the end, man’s animal instincts will drive him (and her) to boff one another. Ain’t no two ways about it. Abstinence and monogamy would work if mankind, in general, could abstain and be monogomous.

People were created by [insert belief system here] to procreate (i.e., fuck). It’s in our genes to fuck, and fuck we will.

WTF, Benny?

++++++

That’s right. I actually saw people shopping for fucking Snuggies the other day at the local gigantagrocer. I got a picture of one of them. Snuggies? Really? I hope it was a gag gift.

++++++

This is what greets me many morning while getting ready for work.

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And this old Australian shepherd was at the local gigantapetstore checking out varmints. She was really transfixed on the little bastards.

December 7th, 2009

2009-12-07T15:17:00.000-06:00

A day that will live in…

Today is a rainy, cloudy, miserable day. My divorce was final today at around 1:15 p.m. My head hurts, my heart hurts, and I feel things inside I will never be able to adequately describe to anyone.

On the way home, I turned on the radio. Don McLean came on – a fitting accent on an acutely heart-rending day.

I’ll be back.

Things That Piss Me Off (Lately)

2009-12-06T06:07:00.005-06:00

Dumbing Down
- Back in the months following the September 11th attacks on the WTC, anthrax was all the rage. For the first few days of furious coverage, they referred to a particular form of anthrax properly – as subcutaneous anthrax. Then someone somewhere decided the Amurcan public was too fucking stupid to a) know what that meant; and b) Use a dictionary. So they started referring to it as under-the-skin anthrax.
- Commercials lately have stopped using the word “antacid.” They now use the term “acid reducer.”
- Kyra Phillips, of CNN, was reading some dude’s quote and changed the word he used (abhor) to despise. WTF?

Google
- Have you ever clicked one of the links in the list of search results on Google, only to be taken to the results of a search for the same word on another web site’s search engine? Yesterday I was looking for something on Google. I typed the word in the appropriate field and clicked on SEARCH. I then clicked on a link a few lines down and was taken to a site where I was presented with “I’m sorry, your search did not find any results. Please try again.” WTF?!
- Buckling to pressure and changing the results of search queries based on whining and politics.

Joe Buck
- This sports commentator is the epitome of mediocrity. I hate listening to the guy. He blathers on non-stop, as if only to hear himself talk. What this dunce needs to realize is that much of a football or baseball game can speak for itself. I don’t need to hear the forced (and lame) humor, and talk about shit no one fucking cares about. Joe needs to realize there’s a time to talk and a time to shut the fuck up. He also needs to go back to school in a remedial grammar class.

San Antonio Drivers
Perhaps the worst I’ve ever encountered:
- Don’t know how to use blinkers.
- Drive around with their emergency flashers on for no apparent reason. WTF is up with this? I’ve never seen it as much as I have here.
- Drive side-by-side on a two-lane highway under the speed limit, while the line of cars builds up behind them. Without a care in the world.
- Can’t drive in anything other than perfect weather – except for a few dumbasses who are at the complete opposite end of the spectrum, and drive 30MPH over the limit in a sleet storm.
- People completely oblivious to their surroundings.

Microsoft Word 2003/2007
- After every update, you go back to the Reading Layout View, which sucks. Seriously – does anyone leave it at this default?
- Ditto for “auto-format as you type.” Why do I need someone to tell me when I want automatically bulleted lists. Take this blog post, for example. I had to turn off auto-format to get it not to bulletize and indent!
- (2007 only) When I press ENTER in my keyboard, I want to go to the next fucking line, not two lines below!

Blogger
- They really need to improve how images are uploaded and organized in a post. It sucks.
- Ditto for the space they give you to type and edit a blog post – it sucks.

Vibrant In-Text Ads (and their ilk)
- You see web pages with words that have colored lines below them (dotted, single, double, etc). You simply slide your cursor over the top of the word as you aim for a link, and a fucking ad pops up. Is there any way to turn off that shit?

And finally – My job
- It’s just too much work for too few people, and it sucks. I was supposed to move to a different (better) section, but that’s been postponed due to budget and other staffing issues. Bastards.

Sigh….

Weather

2009-12-05T07:22:00.003-06:00

No snow (bummer), but it's still a little nippy: