Saturday, December 03, 2005

Bad Boy...Bad, Bad Boy

Part of my daily drive taking the kids to school includes stopping at a few stoplights. Friday morning, I stopped at one of those lights, smack dab behind a Chevy stepside pickup truck.

Affixed to the window on the back of the truck’s cab was a white decal that read: “Bad Boys Drive Chevy Toys.” Perhaps needless to say, The Boy and I laughed, and I had a few words and questions about the decal.

Try as I did, I could not imagine why someone would want that on their vehicle. What exactly is this guy trying to tell the world? That he’s a badass? That only badasses drive Chevy stepside pickup trucks? Does he hope that all men seeing the sticker will fear him; that women who see it will desire him?

“Dude, don’t honk at him. Look at the sticker!”
“Oh fuck. Thanks man. That was close.”


“Janice, I don’t know about you, but I absolutely have to have that guy with the sticker.”
“Over there. Look. He’s a bad boy and he drives a Chevy toy. Can you believe the luck?!
“Oh, that guy. Girl, if you don’t snap him up, I will!”

It’s been over a day since I saw that ridiculous sticker, and I still haven’t thought of one good reason why someone would want or need such a sticker.


To top it off, one of my coworkers, upon hearing my story, informed me of a vehicle accessory that disturbed me deeply. I had never heard of this accessory before today.

Amazingly, there are companies that sell false testicles, which people can attach to their vehicles, in a location one would expect to find testicles on a car or truck if they actually had nuts.

After laughing for an appropriate length of time, and trying to figure out what the hell would make someone want to attach nuts to their vehicle, I commenced to Googling and confirmed what my friend had told me.

My friend said he used to see them in southern California frequently, and saw a truck here with them the other day while pulling into a Blockbuster. The driver had a young girl in the truck with him; probably around four, my friend estimated. Wow.

I’m not a prude by a long shot, but what kind of shit is this? How would I have explained nuts on a car to The Girl when she was four or five? I could have, but it would’ve been a pain in the ass, not to mention totally avoidable and unnecessary.

Hey, maybe those people with nuts on their cars are displaying them as a public service to those parents who are scared or otherwise delinquent in their parental duty to teach their kids about the birds and the bees. Maybe it’s some secret, do-gooder organization to promote safe and smart sex. And maybe their motto is:

Get the Ball Rolling
Talk to Your Kids About Sex Today

We told our friend Sandra about this yesterday when we went by to pick up her son. She said a female coworker of hers intends to buy a pair for her pickup. The horror...the horror.


Going to a company Christmas party/dinner down on the Riverwalk.

The only people partying will be me, my boss and The Warden, I'm sure. I've met the other people from my company a couple of times, but they don't strike me as the party type. But hey, the food is free (We're having the filet Mignon) and so is the booze!

I'll have a few drinks, but will maintain since I drive. The Warden will be free to indulge, as she should be.

I'll report back tomorrow.

Quote of the Day:
I bet if you were in some old west gang, and you were dragging a guy along the ground with your horse, It'd probably make you really mad to look back and see him reading a magazine. –Jack Handy


Bunny ~N~ Early said...

I so want some of those balls. I am going to put them on Early's truck when he's not looking. All these red necks will be wanting to kick his ass and asking him if he thinks he has big balls... Early will be clueless and probably end up getting himself arrested...
I have a bumper sticker on the Mustang that says 0 to witch in 6.66 seconds. I think it's funny when Early drives the mustang.

I love filet Mignon.

R. said...

Funny post today Mr. Cj, I like how you look at things. Yeah, balls on ones vehicles? I won't dis on that but their is somewhat of a curiousity factor as to why? And now that I am no longer in a relationship I will have to look for a "Bad boy" bumper sticker or somethig similar to choose my next love, who know maybe I'll see the balls hanging on a truck and I'll ask him why and I'll just fall head over heals ;)

You must share with us about the X-mas party. I love filet mignon too.

rlb3773 said...

I hate people that put stupid stickers on their vehicles. He has no idea what a huge idiot he looks like. I have seen the balls. Bull haulers think it makes them look cool. This is equally as ignorant. Free filet mignon and drinks on the Riverwalk sounds like a little too much fun for me.

jules said...

Ivy sent me the only sticker I'll ever have on my car. It says "I've got a perfect body. Unfortunately it's in the trunk and beginning to smell."

Now I know what she was talking about you hanging balls on my car at the slumber party. It takes me a little while, Carlos. Probably because I'm too busy listening to the airheads talk to post on the other blog!