FIRE IN THE HOLE!!

So this woman in El Salvador goes to a prison to visit two inmates doing some serious time. Sometime before her visit, she decided it’d be cool to stuff a live M-67 grenade (like the one at left) right on up her giant Salvadoran snapper. That wasn’t enough though. She apparently thought it would be cool if she and her two inmate buddies had some sweet herb to smoke, so she planted a little weed in the ol’ hair garden.

We got a BIG laugh out of that at work today and went on for about 20 minutes about the woman’s decision-making process and all that shit. It was a pretty funny day. Here’s the article: http://www.ksat.com/news/8855692/detail.html

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If this isn’t one of the fucking stupidest ideas on the face of the planet, I don’t know what is.







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I stumbled across a piece of paper in The Boy’s room the other day. It was written a couple of years ago based on the writing. He was lying on the couch last night and I walked up behind him and informed him I’d found one of his vocabulary worksheets from school:

TB: Oh.
Me: Do you need it?
TB: I don’t know.
Me: It’s got these words on it: [barely able to keep a straight voice] muff, snatch, twat, beaver, cooze, pussy, hair pie, poontang, quim, Texas snapping turtle, vertical smile, pair, set, gazongas, knockers. Does that ring a bell? [laughter]
TB: Oh. That was from a long time ago.

I laughed my ass off. I then told him my mom had found a similar list when I was about 13, but that it was in Spanish: Culo, pendejo, chinga tu madre, culero, joto, baboso, maricon, lame mi culo, etc.

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Memory Du Jour:
Desert party, 7th St. and Deer Valley, Phoenix, AZ
A friend’s band (Ten Grand) was one of the many bands playing the 50+ keg party. I did lights and helped set up and all that menial shit. The generator needed more gas at some point. Some dude and I were working on siphoning gas into the generator. My neighbor, Kenny, (Nay / Y might remember him) came over (really fucked up) and said something like, “No man, you do it like this.” He took the hose from us and commenced sucking that hose hard enough to make Liberace proud. Perhaps needless to say, he gulped some gas. He dropped the hose, spit out what gas he hadn’t swallowed, and put one hand on the generator handle to keep his balance. God knows what went through his mind. Puke exited his melon in seconds. He stood there swaying and spraying (puke) all over the place as we all uttered intelligent shit like, “Du-u-u-de, that’s fucked up” and “Oh fuck, he swallowed a lot of gas” or “He’s gonna fuckin’ die.” Kenny didn’t die, but he spent the rest of the night in the back seat of someone’s car. We checked on him periodically.

Quote of the Day:
“How ‘bout you and me go back to your place, get in a hot bath and shuck some corn?”
--Tom Chick, 1983, Sloppy Joe’s Bar, Key West, FL
Note: I spit my beer all over the floor when Tom laid that line on that girl with his raspy, Georgia accent. Funny stuff. He went home with her by the way.