Friday, June 01, 2007

Neighborhood Assault

Last year I ran over one of these little fuckers with my lawn mower whilst laboring in the front yard. It’s a nifty little advertising device -- a short cardboard tube into which a neatly rolled advertisement is placed.

I initially thought that businesses actually paid an advertising company for the service but, upon doing a little research (i.e., visiting the Jet Tube web site), I found that the businesses themselves actually do the deed.

To get in on this revolution, entrepreneurs simply need to pay Jet Tube $599.99 for a launching contraption that includes a tank, a hose, a launcher, and 1,000 of those little cardboard fuckers. See, it’s a “New revolutionary distribution system” that is the “ultimate door-to-door flyer distribution system.”

Business owners fill the tubes with their advertisements, then assault target neighborhoods, scattering hundreds upon hundreds of these cardboard and paper all over creation.

Now wait a dad-burn minute. Ain’t this littering? Shouldn’t they be cited and fined for every instance of littering they perpetrate? I don’t care if they tout their device as “environmentally friendly;” littering is littering.

I’m going to find out where the owner of Jet Tube Advertising lives and, if he lives in San Antonio, I’m going to drive by his/her fucking house every fucking morning and lob a paper cup full of coffee into their lawn. Littering? Nah, I’m advertising bro. The minute I’m cited for littering, that’s when I shut down the business and get rich with a massive lawsuit. Then I’ll throw a massive fucking party and invite all my blogger buddies (airfare included).

Okay….maybe I won’t do that, but wouldn’t it be cool? I could be a rogue litterbug. I’d be on the FBI’s Ten Most Wanted list – Hunted by the Department of Homeland Security. I’d have throngs of fans cheering as I meted out my special justice. I’d roam the country righting wrongs and spreading goodliness and joy…and…

Aw fuck it….I can’t do that shit. I gots kids to raise and Logic stuff to study. Well, it was a nice thought anyway….

What I will do is check the littering ordinances here in town and see to it that these tree service dudes top lobbing this trash on my lawn.

12 comments:

Boobless Brigade Master said...

Yeah. That just isn't right. Especially if it breaks someone's lawn mower. That would personally make my day start to suck immediately if my lawn mower inhaled one of those.
Give 'em hell Carlos!

Arlene said...

I think that's complete bullshit that they can throw stuff all over neighborhoods and get away with it!!!!

Webmiztris said...

I have NEVER seen anything like that in my area! but yeah, that sounds like it SHOULD be considered littering to me. I mean, it's not so bad when one business does it, but imagine if 50 did it and you had to clean up 50 of those tubes every day? NOT COOL.

Anonymous said...

Can you get on a "do not throw advertising shit in my yard list" like the "do not call list"? I'm sure both would be equally effective.

Dad gum it (lol "dad burn it"). It is littering no matter what name you choose to call it.

Talk about being on the FBI's Ten Most Wanted List - my son was pulled out of his police academy class today by two Secret Service agents and interrogated about some Bush bashing remarks he made last week. Nothing serious, he was just expressing his views, and someone felt "threatened", and made a report. Another prime example of our tax dollars being wasted by this administration.

Anonymous said...

Can you get on a "do not throw advertising shit in my yard list" like the "do not call list"? I'm sure both would be equally effective.

Dad gum it (lol "dad burn it"). It is littering no matter what name you choose to call it.

Talk about being on the FBI's Ten Most Wanted List - my son was pulled out of his police academy class today by two Secret Service agents and interrogated about some Bush bashing remarks he made last week. Nothing serious, he was just expressing his views, and someone felt "threatened", and made a report. Another prime example of our tax dollars being wasted by this administration.

Sheila said...

Ok, the two anon repeated comments were from me. The SS must be f"ing with me too lol.

jules said...

Vigilante justice at it's best.

Margaret said...

Oh that's just wrong. Thank god they haven't resorted to doing that here yet. What if you took out an eye with that thing?

Sudiegirl said...

Hey - I could use those for my campaign for US Prez...I can see myself driving through neighborhoods with a makeshift catapult, shootin' those suckers in to every yard in town.

Wanna job on my campaign? :-)

Shelley said...

What I don't understand is the fact that this was done for the Royal Tree Service and this advertising company was wasting paper lobbing this caca all over the neighborhood!!!

Rimpy said...

I took a logic class once. In yours, did you have to do the Aristotelian Square of Logic? I never could master that fucker.

Carlos said...

I know we did some Aristotelian logic, or at least read a bit about it. I just remember that I despised it. It didn't help that the teacher sucked too. Symbolic logic was the worst!