Sunday, October 12, 2008


Yesterday was a good day.

The plan Saturday was to pick up my daughter around 10:00 a.m. and head for the big flea market south of San Antonio, where we would buy bunches of stuff and eat.

(The pic at left is from about 6yrs ago)

I got up around 6:00 a.m. to a terrible rumbly in my tumbly. The cramps in my stomach were quite distressing and unpleasant, surely a result of the 92 proof Sailor Jerry rum, curry chicken, and chocolate. When The Girl called around 9:30 a.m. to confirm I’d be by around 10:00 a.m., I told her I might be a half-hour late due to circumstances beyond my control. I went on to detail my plight and what I was expecting to fill the toilet with sometime within the next few minutes. She let fly with the expected “Ewwwww!”

I picked my dear daughter up around 10:25 a.m. We had a nice drive to the flea market. I bought her anything she wanted, and we got her doggies some doggy tags. We ate, laughed, and bought The Boy something really stupid just for the hell of it.

About an hour into our wanderings, I leaned toward her and said something classy regarding my sudden and intense need to vacate my bowels.

The experience was humbling. The bathroom was, as I expected, disgusting, despite the fact that the place had just opened (and should have been clean from the previous night’s cleanup). The lone toilet required considerable preparation before I would dare extend my buttocks to within critter-jumping-range of the seat, which was about a foot off the fucking floor.

It was over before it began. The fecal I.E.D. detonated, and it was time to move on, after my creaky knees got me back upright.

Wow. Considering how short a time I’d spent in that fucking bathroom, I was sweating like a pig. I washed my hands, toweled off, and walked outside, feeling fresh as a spring morning and regaled The Girl with my experience: “Ewwwwww!”

An hour later, and contrary to my better judgment, we were eating at one of only three Carl’s Jr. restaurants in town. We ate and laughed whilst I suffered silently with the growing stomach pains. Soon we were off to Best Buy so she could buy her boyfriend a DVD and show off at Guitar Hero (She handily humbled a couple of grown dudes).

I dropped my beautiful daughter off at her mother’s house with a kiss and a hug, and was on my merry way.

My night sucked. I had stomach cramps, aches, fever, and didn’t sleep worth a shit. This morning was marginal; this afternoon better; this evening, I feel somewhat normal. As I sit here and sip my Sailor Jerry rum, I take solace in knowing that it wasn’t my drinking and culinary debauchery that caused my gastrointestinal malady.


Flyinfox_SATX said...

Here is hoping you feel better. I think you handled the day like a trooper. I wonder if your daughter took notice to appreciate it.

Margaret said...

Just guessing, but hoping you're better now.

I have that log in my chest feeling. Knowing a chest cold is settling in there but am afraid to start coughing for then - all hell will kick in.

Fever too.