9/13 -- OF BIRTHDAYS AND BUNGHOLES

Today, as of 7:16pm Central Daylight Time, I am 43 years, 1 day, 4 hours and 1 minute old.

Thank you to you Nay For the awesome gift! I love it, and will start it tonight when I hit the hay if I can hold out that long. You are such a thoughtful and wonderful friend. I am so fortunate to have you in my life. Sometimes I wonder which of the bazillions of planets lined up in such a way as to move mortals and events here on earth in such a way that you were brought into my life. Then again, sometimes I just say, “Fuck it” and remain happy and content that we’re such fine friends! I'm glad we didn't lose touch for long.

Y: Thanks for the “very happy birthday” wish! I’m not sure if we ever met (Have we? Remember, I’m Tard #2, and getting a little old now), but you sure seem like a mucho cool person, and you’re a friend of my oldest friend, Nay so you’re okay in my book! Thanks again :-)

My familia got me a gift that I’ve been meaning to get for myself for quite a few years. I’m finally going to get my damned car windows tinted. I’ve been in South-Central Texas for the past 12 years; you’d think I’d have figured it out by now. But then again, if I’m not bright enough to find my sunglasses, which were sitting on a counter for two days (until tonight), well....you get it.

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I had a twisted kind of thought the other day. Actually, I had it initially a few years ago; I just never sat down and tried to analyze it.

How exactly do people end up being proctologists? Are proctologists the ones who go to med school to become “real” doctors, only to realize they can’t cut the mustard, and end up being reverted to “Ass Doctor” school? Is the money so good that it’s all “just worth it”? Does the fact that so few people pursue this profession make it an elite and prestigious field in medical inner circles? Or, does this breed of people simply aspire to explore the deep, dark, pungent recesses of the anuses, rectums and colons of their fellow mankind? Do they take the Hippocratic Oath like “real” doctors, or do they take a silly grade-school-like limerick/oath that has words in it that rhyme with “butthole” or “stinky”?

I, Dr. Skid Mark do swear
That when I yank underwear
Off an ass oh so stinky
I’ll start with only my pinky
So it doesn’t get too sore “down there”

or

When called to inspect a butt-hole
I, Dr. Skid Mark will stroll
To my office forthwith
With a doob and a fifth
To torture another poor soul

I just don’t get it. Maybe one day I’ll have the good fortune to meet a proctologist (in a public, social setting of course) and as that doctor what makes him or her tick.

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The remainder of my evening is going to be spent with my son. He’s surfing between a pretty twisted episode of South Park and Napolean Dynomite.

Adios for now.

Cj