Monday, March 20, 2006

Thug Strife

”3,6,9 damn she fine hopin she can sock it to me one mo time
Get low, Get low 2x
To the window, to the wall, (to dat wall)
To the sweat drop down my balls (MY BALLS)
To all these bitches crawl (crawl)
To all skeet skeet motherfucker (motherfucker!) all skeet skeet god dam (God dam)
To all skeet skeet motherfucker (motherfucker!) all skeet skeet god dam (God dam)”


Etc.

Now THOSE are some creative and inspiring lyrics. Something a grandmother would be proud to brag about.

Yesterday, after hearing this suck-ass song for the nine zillionth time on my daughter’s stereo, I decided to check the lyrics. Not because I particularly liked the song, or the sorry excuse for a melody, but because I couldn’t understand most of what was being said (I’m changing my major to Ebonics, by the way).

So I read the lyrics. Nice, I thought. I went to The Girl’s room and broke the news to her: “I don’t want to hear that song in this house again.” I then asked her if she understood what they were saying and what they meant. She did. I asked her what she thought about the song and about singing along with specific parts of the song. She got teary eyed, appropriately. We ended the conversation on a good note. I told her I wasn’t mad at her; that I just didn’t think it was appropriate for a fourteen-year-old to be listening to those kinds of lyrics.

So there she was, singing along with some shitbags bellowing about their sweaty balls and the like. And of course, no song would be complete without a good ol’ reference to “skeeting.”

skeet

  1. To ejaculate. "This hoe she sucked my dick behind the store and I
    skeeted off in her throat" -- Ying Yang Twins (Georgia Dome), "She got freaky in yo' six-fo', I
    skeeted in her throat" -- Dr. Dre featuring Hittman, Kurupt, Nate Dogg & Six-Two (Xxplosive) [1].

Now don’t get me wrong, I’m far from a prude; I mean way far from being a prude...but this kind of shit has absolutely no artistic, musical or meaningful social value at all. Plain and simple, it’s shit – Pure, 100% worthless fucking shit. I know our folks weren’t particularly fond of the music we listened to back in the day, but I don’t recall anyone ever singing about skeeting on someone. The subtlety of sexual references in music just ain’t there any more.

I’m ashamed of myself for not catching this sooner.

Thank you. That is all.

++++++++++

For those of you who didn’t know, All-American, Austin-based Dell Computers is fixin’ to double the number of its employees in India to 20,000. Dell has four call centers, testing centers, and a software development center.

I used to recommend Dell to the non-computer savvy, but no more. Gateway, at least, outsources its call centers to Canada.

++++++++++

Memory Du Jour:
1977, Arizona
My knucklehead neighbor friend and I made a time bomb. It was an empty, aluminum, 16oz Coors can filled with various gunpowder, shot, and nails. The timer was a twisted up paper towel.

My buddy and I set it on a 5-foot high brick wall, lit the “fuse” and trotted off. We lay prone behind a berm and watched the paper towel burn into the can. Nothing happened. I don’t recall how long we laid there waiting for our bomb to blow up, but it wasn’t long enough.

We both stood up and walked tentatively toward the wall and the can, which was just barely smoldering. Guess what happened when we were about 6 feet from the can. Yep:

BOOM!

My neighbor friend was hysterical. I was panicky, but I wasn’t crying like a bitch (no offense ladies. It’s all the rap talk makin’ me talk like that).

Fortunately for the both of us, neither of us was smart enough to know that a wimpy aluminum can wasn’t strong enough to allow enough blast pressure to build up to do any real damage.

But, we both had some great powder burns that made for great conversation at school. I think I might’ve even got a sympathy lay out of it. Then again, I might’ve just imagined that. But all 15-year-olds “imagine” getting laid don’t they? ;-)

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Quote of the Day:
"I believe that a prosperous, democratic Pakistan will be a steadfast
partner for America, a peaceful neighbor for India, and a force for freedom and moderation in the Arab world." —George W. Bush, mistakenly identifying Pakistan as an Arab country, Islamabad, Pakistan, March 3, 2006

9 comments:

R. said...

I couldn't even get through reading the lyrics, YUCK, I hate rap!!!

Have a dandy week Mr. Cj. ;)

Webmiztris said...

Lil' Jon and the Eastside Boys - Get Low...I LOVE that fucking song! yeah, the lyrics are ridiculous, but it's one of the BEST songs to dance too!

StringMan said...

Good move with your daughter and the lyrics. If you don't set the line of decency, there probably won't be one. She'll appreciate it sooner or later.

james is lost said...

in my day (old man voice) all we had to be concerned with was playing led Zeppelin backwards on the turn table, you know record player, remember records :-)

R. said...

James and ~Y~ do you remember watching Jim and Tam Baker about the backward masking? ~Y~ called the number and talked to the operator about how fake they were, "just look at that woman and all her makeup..." ;)

The Lamb of God backwards said God is good. I'm not sure why that memory is so vivid because I'm certain we were really high to have been watching that shit in the first place.

Sorry I hijacked your joint to do me memor dejour but I swear God made me do it.

:)

Bunny ~N~ Early said...

Cj
You so totally did the right thing.
I banned ALL rap because it seemed all of the lyrics were inapproprate for kids.

Ney
I do remember calling the Baker number and yes we were high but at least we were'nt wearing to much makeup and telling people we could save them from hell if they sent us a fat check.

Karlos said...

Nay: Yeah...they’re pretty bad. The week is almost over and I’m glad ;-)

WebMiz: Dance on girl!

StringMan: Thanks. I draw the line, but Mom sometimes blurs it a little, being a little more lenient than I am. Fortunately this was one we agreed upon.

James: We have a record player! The Warden is burning select albums to her computer. Ones you just can’t find in any form. Ever hear of a band called Garfield? I never did until I met her. Pretty good music. Anyway...that’s the kind of shit she’s doing.

Nay: You can hijack my place any day. You guys are nuts!

Y: I picked up The Girl at school yesterday. First thing she does when she gets in the car is turn on the radio. The first words out of my mouth when she does are, “No garbage.” She knows what I mean. I don’t care if it’s radio-clean, it ain’t getting’ played in my car. She’s good about it.

Ivy the Goober said...

I love your memory du jours. You have had a very interesting life! I can't imagine you ever sitting around being bored. Or if you were, I'm sure you came up with something quick to change that!

Karlos said...

You're too kind Ivy. I have had an interesting life, but it's not so crazy & exciting these days. That's okay with me though. I had enough to last me a couple of lifetimes. And so, I'm content with my routine and my life.