Wednesday, August 30, 2006

Mazel Tov Motherf#@$&!

Greetings from the Alamo City.

A cold front rolled through yesterday. The low last night was a frigid 68 degrees. The high was around 97 or so, a few degrees cooler than the past 30 days.

Today is our watering day, the highlight of my week. I put the sprinklers on this morning for an hour and have just put them out again. I’m not trying to make the grass beautiful…just keep it from turning into a dustbowl.

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I’m taking Friday and Tuesday off so I’ll have a five-day Labor-day weekend. Don’t have much planned. I might go out and get myself a 2nd pistol. Might take the loser nephew’s boys to a big ol’ flea market with The Boy and try to be a positive male role model for a day. Figure it’ll be a good diversion for them, and I just love to buy junk at flea markets. This flea market has a good selection of veggies too so I’ll get some of those too.

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Have you seen this article? I found it on a local news web site under “Irresistible Headlines.” I’m not sure what’s irresistible about this article, but apparently someone at the station does. I wonder of this was a government funded study.

I’ve pasted the text here because the webmasters don’t leave them up very long. Guess their web server is a Commodore 64 and it doesn’t have enough space to save this huge story.

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Memory du Jour:
Southwest Massachusetts Coast, 1990
I went to a coworker’s party one day at a huge beach house in October or so. It was too cool to swim, so we drank, played cards, drank, ate hot dogs, played Frisbee, drank, etc. There were 20 or 30 people there.

A friend (from Brownsville) and I were drinking , doing shots of Cuervo Gold, and showing all those East Coast sissies how t’quila’s s’posedta be drunk proper. I was doing okay until I went along with some idiot who thought it’d be real cool to play Frisbee on the beach in the 40 degree breeze. Yeah. Really fun. The tequila, beer and three or so Hebrew National hot dogs I’d downed didn’t get along in my stomach as I was galloping around catching and throwing the stupid flying disc.

Eastcoastsissyboy got his revenge, a form of Montezuma’s revenge I suppose; only it came out the top half of me, not the bottom…a little later.

Feeling a little woozy, I announced my departure and made a hasty getaway. Fortunately my pad was only a short two mile drive down the beach and up through a little bit of woods. I cannot, to this day, remember one minute of the drive. I’m surprised I didn’t drive into one of the bodies of water and drown.

My roommate told me the rest of this…’cause I just don’t ‘member.

I got to the house, got out of the truck, got up, and made my way to the front door. Not knowing it was unlocked, I fumbled with my keys and took about two minutes to get the key in the lock, after which I promptly locked the door. I fumbled some more until got the door unlocked.

I pushed the door open. My roommate, his girlfriend, and my girlfriend (pre-Warden) were sitting on the couch watching TV. My girlfriend hadn’t felt like going to the party.

I don’t remember what happened next. I was told the next day that I’d given the three of them a stupid grin and lifted a leg up to step over the raised threshold from the porch. I didn’t lift my leg up high enough, so my foot hit the threshold and I fell flat on my face. They let me lie there until it got too cold in the house.

My girlfriend and my roommate then gallantly dragged my drunken ass through the living room and into the bathroom where I spent the next 20 minutes or so driving the porcelain bus.

The next thing I remember was a cool washcloth on my neck and my girlfriend assuring me that everything was going to be okay. I don’t remember much more than her walking me to the bedroom and stroking my hair until I fell asleep. Such a nice girl she was.

The hangover the next day was horrible….absolutely horrible.

Morale of the story: Tequila+Beer+Frisbee+Kosher Hot Dogs = Puke & Pain

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Quote of the Day:
"And I suspect that what you'll see, Toby, is there will be a momentum, momentum will be gathered. Houses will begat jobs, jobs will begat houses." —George W. Bush, Speaking with reporters along the Gulf Coast, Gulfport, Miss., Aug. 28, 2006

Link du Jour:
http://www.skateboardingbulldog.com/

Images du Jour:
This server is currently experiencing a problem. An engineer has been notified and will investigate.

Status code: 1-500-33

8 comments:

Margaret said...

Cold front! No fair. A friend I was speaking with over the phone today from Philly said she wanted to put her heat on last night. Cooling off here some now, Ernesto is blowing tropical breezes in.

jules said...

I am so laughing at the idea of them leaving your ass in the doorway until it got too cold. And the cooler weather was wonderful. We spent a good portion of the day with the kids outside.

FreeCyprus said...

but image this formula:
Tequila+Beer+Frisbee+KosherHotDogs+rollercoaster ride at Canada's wonderland

Sweeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeet.

-- FreeCyprus
Hellenic Reporter

Miss Cellania said...

I just wonder what kind of bravery, or stupidity, it takes to examine a polar bear's cajones.

Webmiztris said...

hot dogs and te-kill-ya? dude, you are BRAVE!

Karlos said...

Margie: If it’s any consolation, the few degrees cooler it is in the daytime doesn’t provide much relief. The mornings are splendid though! Hope Ernesto doesn’t’ do ya wrong up there.

Jules: Hearing my roommate explain the whole thing to me with a hardcore New England accent was a riot. They all enjoyed my misfortune immensely.

FreeCyprus: Welcome. Thanks for stopping by. A rollercoaster would have killed me!

MissCellania: What I wonder is what the qualifications are to get that job. Oh, and how would you highlight that on a resume? :-)

WebMiz: I think we were just having so much fun that by the time I realized I was feeling like shit it was too late!

R2K said...

: )

Bunny ~N~ Early said...

I too love the memory. Funny how tough those tequila lessons are to learn. I think it takes a couple times to get it. Go figure.