Wednesday, December 20, 2006

Drinking, Drugs, and Sexual Adventures

Did ya see the phony cry job Tara Connor (Miss USA) did during the press conference where Donald Trump didn’t fire her? I did; while listening to the news this morning.

I heard something about “Drinking, drugs and sexual adventures” and immediately turned toward the TV, fearing someone had written a tell-all book about me. It was then that I spied Miss Connor, face caked with makeup, crying her eyes out – only there were no tears; and no running mascara.
Shame on you, you Miss USA you big ol' faker! I'd have more respect for you if you'd just said, "Yeah...I drink, I smoke fat blunts, and I love to fuck. So what?"

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We’ll be going to a big Christmas party this Friday at a good friend’s house. It’s so big that I have to take Friday off so we can go over and help them get the pad ready for 100+ guests. Actually, we’ll be over there on Thursday afternoon too.

I’m responsible for marinating 40lbs of chicken. I’m going to marinate it in a combination of olive oil, sesame oil, sesame seeds, red onions, garlic, pepper, salt, cilantro, and a little soy sauce. Should be fucking delicious.

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HOW TO TELL THE SEX OF A BIRD
Until now, I never fully understood how to tell the difference between male and female birds. I always thought it had to be determined surgically or with way-too-close examination.

The link below will take you to a picture of two birds. Study them closely and then report your findings. Which one is the woman?

CLICK ME

Remember, I’m just the messenger. I'm not really so bad. Ask anyone who knows me ;-)

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Quote of the Day:

"One has a stronger hand when there's more people playing your same cards." – George W. Bush, Washington, D.C., Oct. 11, 2006

9 comments:

Miss Cellania said...

Tara Conner (who is from a placce just up the road from me) is no fool. How many Miss USAs can you name? One. How many Miss Americas can you name? Vanessa Williams. Nuff said.

Sheila said...

The male bird is the one yapping non-stop.

I bet you don't mind taking off work to help out with the Christmas party preparations. Sounds like fun!

Thanks for sharing another mindless quote from our esteemed leader lol.

Margaret said...

Chicken? Yum!

The female bird is a no-brainer. Whoops, did I say that?

Really though, you can at least tell Parakeets by their beaks. The Males have a blue ridge on top. In other fowl nature - males are usually the most colorful assholes.

Whoops! Did I say that? Oh shucks.

Miss USA's 21st birthday is this weekend. Most of us all counted down the days to our big "2-1". My bet is down that she she goes on a binge before the New Year Rehab plans and brings The Donald all the publicity and controversy he needs.

You know, so peeps will watch the new season of the Apprentice coming up. All started after he tells Tara here, "You're Fired."

jules said...

"Yeah...I drink, I smoke fat blunts, and I love to fuck. So what?"

Wow, I didn't know I was being quoted! Gotta watch what I say around you kiddo.

Anonymous said...

omg, I said the EXACT same thing to my husband when we saw her 'bawling' her eyes out! she had her face all scrunched up, yet I didn't see so much as a glisten of a tear in her eyes. what a faker!

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Karlos said...

Miss Cellania: Point taken. I can’t argue that, but I wonder if she’s clever enough to have premeditated the debacle.

Sheila: Oh no you didn’t! Male bird. C’mon…you know that just ain’t so ;-)
Just got done marinating the chicken. I even wrote down all the ingredients. If it’s a hit I’ll post the marinade recipe.

Margie: LOL. I appreciate your honesty…except for the asshole part ;-)

Jules: I can appreciate that in a woman. You’re my kinda chick!

WebMiz: How cool. Her folly was a pretty blatant disregard of human perceptive abilities. But then I’m sure most of the people who are glued to TaraNews believe wrasslin’ is real fighting, and think Dr. Phil is the Messiah!

Anonymous: Thanks for the Levitra offer, but my wiener is as healthy and functional as can be…maybe a little too healthy and functional sometimes. Oh shit…did I say that out loud?

Anonymous said...

The chicken sounds yummy. What time should I be there? Who will notice one more in that crowd? You crack me up with your comment replies, especially responding to Anonymous.

Anonymous said...

Gawd I hate reading your blog around holidays! I'm going to kidnap your happy BBQing ass one of these days just so my mouth will stop watering. You are a bad bad boy.