Monday, January 15, 2007

Wintry Mixes, Douches, and Salad Sprinkles

Well, it’s around 34 degrees right now and it’s starting to precipitate. After I post this I’m gonna head outside to see if it’s wintry. If it ain’t, I’m writing my congressman.

I’m secretly hoping my job closes down for the day tomorrow. I really don’t feel like going in. As a matter of fact, I’ve decided that I don’t want to work any more. Okay, that’s a lie. I decided that a long time ago; I’m just too fucking lazy to bust my ass to get to the point that I don’t have to work any more!


The Boy signed up for and started playing World of Warcraft today. If you’ve never heard of it, it’s what geeks call a Massive Multiplayer Online Role Playing Game. The regal name he chose for his character was Killer Douche. If that ain’t class, I don’t know what is!


It has come to my attention that Jules has never heard of Bac-Os before today. Can you believe it? Neither can I.

Jules, Bacos are little bacon-like sprinkles for salad, baked potatoes, etc.

Since my blog gets hammered for Bacos ingredients, and primarily for the benefit of Dear Jules, here are the ingredients of this fine foodstuff:
Defatted soy flour, partially hydrogenated soybean oil, water, salt, sugar, artificial and natural flavor, red 40 and other color added, soy sauce (water, wheat, soybeans, salt), hydrolyzed vegetable protein (corn, soy, wheat).

You’ll notice that there isn’t one lick of pork in these tasty little boogers. I suppose they’re better for you than real bacon, but that all depends on how “natural flavor” and “other color” are defined by the FDA, and how they’re applied by Betty Crocker, maker of Bacos. Check my previous post on the topic.

Reading Betty Crocker’s page devoted to this delicacy (dig the first paragraph), I see that, not only do they not contain MSG, they’re fucking Kosher!!!! And the best part about ‘em? Arabs can dig on the delicious bacon madness too, because there ain’t no pork in the motherfuckers! If that ain’t the cat’s ass (whatever the fuck that means), I don’t know what is.

That being said, I am now going to petition the UN Secretary General, and plead to the full assembly, that Bac-Os be utilized as a progressive new catalyst to a progressive new Arab/Israeli peace initiative. Can ya feel it? Me too!

Jules: I promise to give you full credit for igniting this idea.

Our names will not only emblazon edifices, memorials, and ships, they will be shot into space on plaques on rocket ships, and radioed to the far ends of the galaxies by astronomers; they will adorn the pages of the history books of the world for years to come, and serve as the motivation for generation upon generation of peace in our world.

Okay…enough bullshit for now.


Dawn, are you reading this far down in my post? Ever since you started keeping your posts short (which I’ve also been trying to do), I’m way too fucking conscious of the length of my yapping. Forgive me? Naw…hell, you ain’t down this far ;-)


Quote of the Day:
"Make no mistake about it, I understand how tough it is, sir. I talk to families who die." --George W. Bush, Washington, D.C., Dec. 7, 2006
Watch video clip


The_Gator said...

Well i read it all....and i typed up an entire comment and my computer for some reason shut off... i think the surge protector is broken well...

I wish it were 34 degrees here...shoot ill even trade the 1 1/4 inch ice on my pool.

sudiegirl said...

OK - uh - I can't believe that Jules hasn't heard of Bac-os.

Maybe it's because they're not normally used during sex, unless you're eating a salad during sex.

Just a theory...

Happy day after MLK Jr. Day

Margaret said...

I was laughing just last night at my keyword searches that found my blog. Jon told me I should save them up and blog about them. They sometimes are just as crazy.

Who in the world Googles to see if "Downy Fabric Softener has an expiration date"??

Anonymous said...

lol, I read the whole thing, karlos! but I'm convinced most people read the first three words and run off to comment! I swear I could write a post consisting of nothing but:

"I'm pregnant!

Just kidding. ;)"

and 1/2 my readers would be commenting, "OMG, you know if it's going to be a boy or a girl?"


The_Gator said...

OMG CONGRATS DAWN! When do you find out if its a boy or a girl? WOW i am really happy for you.

Anonymous said...

I have to admit, Sudie's right. If it ain't used in a sexual act, I probably haven't heard of it! But it's good to know that if I do decide to do someone of the Jewish or Hindu or whatever faiths don't eat pork, I now have something that is not only kosher but pork free. (Cuz we save the pork for other things ;0)

Anonymous said...

I've been trying to comment on your blog for days, blogger will have no part of it. Ney has been having a hard time commenting on mine and I haven't been able to post. This sucks!
I see you guys have been getting our weather, that sucks too. Did you now that MSG goes by many legal names one of them being artificial flavor? Yes, it's true...
Hope your keeping your toes warm.

Karlos said...

Gator: You have more computer problems than anyone I know! Thanks for reading the whole post ;-)

Sudie: I think you’re right about Jules. Thanks for dropping by. Long time no see.

Margie: Whew! I thought I was the only one who saw entertainment value in that kinda stuff! :-)

Dawn: LOL! I think you’re right about your readers too. Thanks for reading mine…You’re a busy girl, and I appreciate you taking the time.

Jules: You’re a baaaad girl.

Bunny-Early: I didn’t know that about MSG. That’s crazy. Fuckers!

Anonymous said...


Glad you're alive and kickin'.

So should we chip in and buy Jules a case of Bac-os?

Margaret said...

I'm almost certain that Baco's are dehydrated pink hot dogs. I don't know if you've been subjected to the Southern Style Pink Hot Dog over there in the big state but here, ugh!

Karlos said...

Sudie: Thanks! I’m alive…and kicking most of the time ;-)

Margie: I’ve seen those dogs before, but can’t recall if I’ve had the pleasure of eating one. I knew a guy from Alabama who couldn’t understand why I didn’t adore boiled peanuts. They were just plain nasty. In all fairness though, they were from a can, which I’m sure isn’t a really good representation of what they’re really supposed to taste like.

Sudiegirl said...


Hey man...just saw the Gator's there something i should know about a new li'l bundle of joy?