Saturday, May 05, 2007

Pack Yer Bags

WE’RE GOIN’ ON A TRIP
So I was mowing the lawn today, something The Boy ordinarily does, but he was out and about with The Warden.

It was a nearly perfect lawn mowing day. It was warm and humid, but there were dark clouds, light sprinkles; and occasional light, cool, swirling winds -- A grand day for manual labor.

Then I had the most bizarre, um, whatchamacallit. I was mowing the back yard, working through a thick piece of deep green grass, when a cool wind swirled by, accompanied by some wonderful, light, cool raindrops. I looked up and to the southwest. There was a squall a short distance away; a dark cloud above. The miserable neighbor dogs had stopped barking for once in their lives. For a split second I felt extremely strange; like something was going to happen; like a heart attack or aneurism or I’d be struck by lightning or overcome by a marauding herd of carnivorous dung beetles. Anyway….you get it.

The feeling passed as quickly as it came, and then an odd thought: It wouldn’t be so bad. You know – dyin’ right now; as long as it wasn’t painful. There’s a nice breeze, it’s cloudy, and it wouldn’t be too terrible to fade out in the cool, soft grass. Next thing you know I was back in this reality – back from my little trip.

Yeah, I know…very strange, but then I’m a little out there sometimes.

SPEAKING OF OUT THERE
My favorite, independent, local grocery store went out of business -- Another victim of our massive corporate grocer, HEB. A sign on one of the entrance doors read, “Closed. Thanks for your support.” You may recall a post in which I documented the last strange little trip I had….in that very store.

First my little hardware store, now the local, independent grocer. I feel a little responsible because we didn’t shop there enough.

PRISON SPEAK
I was walking through the kitchen a short few hours ago, and I heard The Warden say, “Whaddaya think about this?” I turned to look and she was standing there, holding a three-foot-long baguette against her pubic bone – Pointing it at me, holding it like a giant erect wiener, evil grin on her face and a sinister look on her face. I thought I was gonna piss myself laughing.

I told her I’d give her a dollar if she documented, in verbal and graphical form, her exact thought process as her brain worked up to the precise moment she decided that’d be something funny to do. You know – A slowmo’ brain replay.

12 comments:

The_Gator said...

how old is the warden...12....hahaha actually i think i would do that too...hahaha!

Arlene said...

The Warden..ah, a women after my own heart!!
It always makes me happy to see the mom-and-pop stores open, and I always try to give them a bit of business. Sad to see them go :-(
You have very strange trips...too much acid in the teen years ;-)

Webmiztris said...

lmao! I'd do that! then I'd wait until my husband was half asleep and I'd start poking him in the thigh with it to see how HE liked it...LOL

glad you didn't die out there today! sheesh!

jules said...

Hm....sounds like my voodoo doll ALMOST worked. A little more hexing and next time you're toast!

Just kidding!

Almost.

Miss Cellania said...

You should've taken a picture!

Bunny ~N~ Early said...

One time when I got one of those weird feelings of impending doom I was on my way to a movie. I turned around and went straight home and I'll be damd if the dogs weren't out running in the road. Trust your instincts Luke. The force is with you.
Something made you stop & slow down your life for that few minutes. There was a reason...

Bunny ~N~ Early said...

PS
Webmiz LMAO!

Carlos said...

Gator: Sometimes I think that is how old she is!

Arlene: Definitely too much something in my teen years. I cannot confirm nor deny ;-)

WebMiz: You’re a bad girl. Now go get yerself one o’ them baguettes and start pokin’ LOL

Jules: Now I know why the wind was coming fromyour direction ;-)

MissCellania: Damn! I should’ve! Wish I would’ve thought of that.

Bunny~n~Early: Maybe you’re right! Now that made me think! Wonder what would’ve happened if I would’ve been somewhere a few minutes early, had I not slowed down.

little sister said...

Strange trips, indeed! Very well written, trips, though, are interesting, even if strange :)

um, yeah, I've had that 'ooooh, what if I'm dying now?' thing before...had a lot less of it lately, though :)

Carlos said...

Little Sister: Thanks for dropping by…and I’m glad you don’t have that feeling so much any more :-)

RLB3773 said...

(RLB messaged me her post. She's having probs with blogger. Hey RLB, just post as "other" and you don't need a secret password).

I dont know what is going on...........I tried to comment on your last blog and once again it is telling me I am using the wrong password..........anyway here is what I said.

You shouldn't have dropped the brown acid. It sounds like the Warden has been spending too much time with you....lol! Thanks for not pointing out how badly Whistler and I have been slacking, but I am on strike! I refuse to post until she gets her lazy ass in there writes about ANYTHING! I see her on Myspace all the damn time......she doesnt even get on messenger anymore to chat with me. So screw her!.....lmao

Hope things are going good well! Talk to ya later... [Offline Message (Wed May 09 10:01:03 2007)]

The_Gator said...

rlb in order to really strike you need to post it and get some support from friends...like i do to buggy... :D