Saturday, September 29, 2007

Saturday

Boobless Tennis Game?
I don’t know what the fuck a boobless tennis game is, or why the fuck someone would be searching for such a thing on the internet, but someone did Google that very phrase and my blog was the top result. WTF?

On the subject of internet searches….It seems that Bacos ingredients are of great interest to the general internet public. Go ahead, plug those two words into a Google search and see who’s #1. Yeah. That’s right. Alamoland is the number 1 source of information on the internet for Bacos ingredients and commentary on Bacos Ingredients. Well….at least the number one pair of words that bring people here from afar.

They're Flamingo!
My underwears is fucking flamingo! Last week I washed a red T-shirt (with like colors, as directed). I figured one wash would be good enough. Apparently not.

Today I went back to irresponsible guy-laundering, where everything gets washed together (except for black pants and white socks), in a utopia of laundromatic bliss.

I was shocked when I pulled my pink unmentionables out of the washer.

Now what? Do I embroider something on them in the event I end up in an ER one day? I'd hate to have some hot nurse who, if not for my flamingo undies, might be hankerin' to live out a bad porno fantasy with me.

Redneck Mother
M is for the mud flaps you get me for my pickup truck
O is for the oil (pronounce ole) y’git me fer my hair
T is for T-Bird
H is for Haggard
E is for Eggs
And R is for – Redneck!

Today, on the way out of a big ol’ parking lot, some dumbass in a big ol’ Dodge pickup pulled right out in front of me. He looked right at me and continued on without so much as an “Oops. Sorry. I fucked up” wave. Apparently, right of way is his preordained right. The fact that he was talking on a cell phone (I could see his beady little eyes and his thin lips in his driver-side mirror) was icing on the cake. Everyone knows rednecks can’t multitask!

When he got in front of me and we stopped at a red light, I noted his rear window was adorned with:
1 Bush/Cheney sticker
2 NRA stickers
1 Elk Foundation sticker
1 US Navy sticker
1 American flag

My immediate judgment of him was as a narrow-minded, small-brained, small penised (I know…that ain’t a word) arrogant, right-wing, born-again evangelical hypocritical son of a bitch. I won’t pretend I can judge people on sight with that level of accuracy, but I will say that’s how he appeared to me at that very moment. He may well be a nice guy, but for that brief moment in time, I wanted nothing more than to walk up to the driver’s window, snatch the cell phone out of his hand, throw it across the street, and punch him right square in his oft-picked fucking nose.

To top things off, when the light turned green, the guy drove like an old lady. All that rushing through the parking lot was for naught.

The day’s going well, except for a little manual labor I had to do this morning. Hope all you fuckers are having a great weekend!


Alabama Mother's Day Card







8 comments:

Shelley said...

You don't sound like you have had a good day at all. I hope things get better for you as the week wears on.

About the red & white washing thing...dude, ya gotta wash a lot more loads with like colors to get the red out. The pink, however, is permanent. Let's just hope no one who thinks you are a manly man sees them undies above your jeans.

Bunny ~N~ Early said...

Boobless tennis anyone??? Ha Ha!

Another way to look at the underwear issue...
If you end up in the emergency room with light pink unmentionables at least the nurse will know you're straight. Light pink is so out with the gay crowd. Besides, everyone knows gay guys know how to properly do laundry.
I read something somewhere that said nurses gauge whether nice looking men are married or not by if they're wearing holy underwear. Nice looking with holy underwear meant married. It must be true, Early's underwear are usually so torn up they would pass for thongs by the time I finally say "yes you are going to waste good money on new underwear".
Come on guys you know it's true.

LMAO on the judgement call! I thought Alabama was the only place you'd still see a Bush - Cheney sticker on a car.

Hope your weekend is going great too!

renee255 said...

Unmentionables, that cracks me up!!!

While this product (http://www.shoutitout.com/preserve-colors.aspx) or any other products would have saved the white from red, it is a great product. In my opinion, the red dye never fully gets out and the whites are not to EVER mix with the reds. ;)

Do you have a thing against Dodge trucks? I'm beginning to think so. ;)

Hope you had a fab weekend!!!

Love from Florida

Sheila said...

Yep Renee said it - No red and whites ever! LOL Bunny on the holy underwear. Sometimes Dion's have so many holes that he might as well cut the bottom off and just wear the waistband.

Loved the Alabama Mother's Day card!

Sudiegirl said...

Oh dude...this entry done be priceless...and the right wing guy with the bumper stickers was just CRYING out for a "straight but not narrow" sticker, or "Hillary Clinton for '08".

Carlos said...

Shelley: My day wasn’t that bad. Just this dude pissed me off a little. Thanks for the laundry tips…better late than never ;-)

Bunny~n~Early: You’re right….Only an un-gay guy would fuck up a simple load of laundry like that! ;-) The take on holy underwear is about right I’d say!

Nay: Thanks for the laundry link. I’ll fucking post it right above the dryer…smartass! ;-) I think you’re right…Maybe I do have a thing about Dodge trucks. Maybe it ain’t the people or the stickers….I’m going to seek out therapy to get at this deep rooted problem! My weekend was fab…hope yours was fabber ;-)

Sheila: ROTFLMAO!!! I never thought about just wearing the waste band. Shit…Think about all the money I wasted buying new underwear before I needed to!

Sudie: Straight but not narrow….I like that one!

Webmiztris said...

when I follow a car with a Bush sticker, it's hard to ignore the overwhelming urge to ram the hell out of them...lol!

Carlos said...

I'm with ya Dawn!!