Thursday, September 27, 2007

You Say Potato

Shelley, my favorite co-worker, got back to work on Monday after a week-long business trip. Before she left she asked me to tend to her budding potato plant, which she’d been dutifully attending for a couple of weeks prior to her departure on the trip.

While she was gone my devious mind went to work.

Last Friday I purchased a similarly-sized potato. Monday when I got up I “baked” it in the microwave, wrapped it in foil, sliced it open, dressed it up, and ate it for breakfast. When I was done, I bagged the potato, the plate, the plasticware, and the napkin; and hauled it to work.

Once at work, I stashed Shelley’s potato in my drawer and place the eaten potato on her desk right in front of the empty vase.

Plaintive cries of “What's this?” and “Who would eat my potato?” were among the questions Shelley posed to her coworkers who could barely suppress their laughter. It was great fun for all, including Shelley, and a great way to start a Monday.

A Prayer For The Dying
On Sunday The Boy noticed two praying mantises hanging out on the front storm door screen. Always fascinated by mantises, I snatched up my camera and stepped out to snap a few pictures.

It was then that I noted the carnage. The carcasses of ladybugs, beetles, and other insects littered the stoop right outside the door. The lovely couple thought nothing of my presence, and were kind enough to pose for some photos and even a short video (edited for size).

Veteran Alamolanders will recall a post I did about a moron with a dumbass sticker that said, “Bad Boys Drive Chevy Toys.” (Apologies to all you morons).

Yesterday, while driving to the grocery store with The Girl, I saw a relative of McMoron. He was driving a red Dodge Dakota – A plebian vehicle to be sure. Anyway, the cretin had a huge, round sticker on his rear window. The Dodge ram emblem was in the middle.

The outer edge of the top half of the circular sticker read:
Gentz of Style

Bottom half:
Drive Badass Toy’z

Yeah…That’s right…He used zees in place of esses. What is he, twelve? And he used a fucking apostrophe where it ought not to have been. So not only is this guy a Grade-A ass hat, he’s an illiterate Grade-A ass hat!!!

Hot Sauce
If you wanna make some shit that’ll add a little bite to your victuals, without detracting from or changing the flavor of your fare (The stuff I made yesterday is pictured):

10 JalapeƱos
2 Habaneros *
Cilantro (maybe 40 or so leaves, up to you)
One green onion

- Boil JalapeƱos and Habaneros until soft, in just enough water to cover them.
- Chop up green onion **
- Put all ingredients in a blender and blend baby, blend

You’ll want to thin the concoction with the water you used to boil the chiles, otherwise the sauce will be more of a paste.

Let the sauce cool in a lidless jar (to avoid spoiling) before refrigerating
Use care when washing the blender. The fumes will make you cough – Really.

* You can make a milder version of this by omitting the habaneros. You can take the bite out of jalapenos (and other peppers) by cutting them in half, removing the seeds and whitish membrane, washing, and then using (boiling in this case).

** If you don’t chop up the green onion before blending, you could end up with a stringy mess in the blender.


Webmiztris said...

i love the potato prank!

what do the praying mantis' do? do they just kill the other bugs for shits and giggles? they don't eat them or anything? those suckers are huge! I need a couple of those in my house to keep as pets. :)

renee255 said...

i loved the potato prank too!!!

You don't have any toy'z?You are just jealous ;)

Praying mantis bugs are funky fuckers. I remember in grade school Kelly and I use to catch them and throw them in the pool and play some game. I thought they would make a really loud or high pitched noise? My memory is a bit faded but I still got a visual of us back in the day be retarded and a chuckle. Thanks

Flyinfox_SATX said...

The Praying Mantis Vid was way cool. I had one of those suckers in my back yard as well...yeah my bug population decreased with those guys...

Shelley said...

I couldn't believe what I saw! All I could think of was, "Who would want to eat the potato with growths on it? One that had been sitting in water for so long?" Then everyone else said, "It wasn't my idea!" No shit! the scoundrel was found. What a dork!

I love reading your posts - not too sure about the last 3WW. You keep leaving us hanging!!!!

Sheila said...

The potato prank was just cruel Carlos and right up your alley lol!

Thanks for sharing the praying mantis pics with us. But poor little ladybugs.

When given a choice, I always want the red sauce because I know the green sauce is lethal! Can't handle it.

The_Gator said...

lol shelley...for some reason its a popular way of writting here in blogland... i seem to recall that occuring at Addroc...but we fixed that problem real quick just by....

Tune in Next Week to find out how!

Bunny ~N~ Early said...

The dead potato was a great idea, bet it was fun.
Stop makin'g fun of us folk's that don't know where to put apostrophee'e. Some of us illiterate people is real ni'ce, specially the ones that don't know about AM or PM LOL. Seriously though, I'm a perfect example of what you get when you cross a not to bright child with the public education system.
Thanks for the hot sauce recipe, I'm looking forward to trying out my magic bullet that's never left the box in almost two years... As soon as my crate gets here... Someday.

Woozie said...

Dodge boy needs to take his Grammar Jew ass to the ovens.

Your hot sauce looks like baby crap.

renee255 said...

What is a magic bullet Bunny? It sounded kind of like Brother of Bob, but I'm thinking it might be a kitchen gadget since it is being referenced to the hot sauce?

The_Gator said...

its a small more infomercials ney!

renee255 said...

Thank you Gator for responding to my question. No, I won't watch infomercials, I just downsized from a three bedroom home to a bedroom. I don't have room for any shit. ;)

Carlos said...

WebMiz: It was funny! I think they slay the bugs and suck the guts out of ‘em. Then they get jiggy…then the girl mantis decapitates the boy mantis. If that ain’t love ;-)

Nay: I don’t have any toy’z to speak of, but I hope to have a toy in the form of a boat sometime soon. Depends on if we move or not. If we stay, we have mo’ money to buy a boat! I can just see you and Kelly tormenting those poor, poor, mantises!

FlyinFox: Glad you liked it. I think they’re the coolest bugs in the animal kingdom!

Shelley: Nay and Y can confirm that I am, in fact, a dork. ;-) I’m glad you enjoy the blog. Ain’t nothin’ but a buncha rambling bullshit though.

Sheila: Stranger! I love red sauce. I haven’t perfected it yet though. There was a couple we used to know out in Castroville who made a phenomenal red sauce. There are also two other red sauces that stand out in my pea brain. An AZ based company makes a red jalapeno sauce to die for….and a restaurant called the Taco House in Port Hueneme (pronounced (wuh-nee-mee), California made sauce good enough that I used to bring home liters at a time. They thought I was nuts!

Gator: I have been ousted as blogland dork!

Bunny~n~Early: Very fun! Youz cool folkz are allowed to misuse apostrophez!

Wooz: Now now Woozie…your inner Nazi is showing.