Sunday, February 03, 2008

Ridin' Dirty

I was driving to pick up some food for our little Super Bowl Party yesterday and I saw a dusty car with the following finger-writing on the back of it:

“Not dirty – Just black.”

And sure as shit, the couple was black.

That encounter reminded me of one I saw on a Mrs. Baird’s bread truck on Thursday:

“Dirty Bread Man.”

And then I recalled the only other two good ones I remember seeing:

“Also available in white” (Written on a VERY dirty white car)
“I wish my wife was this dirty.”

Then I started Googling for others, and found this:

Amazing what people will do for a laugh! ;-)

Got a B on my Exam last week. This week is my mid-term. I might knock it out today because the shit is relatively fresh in my pea brain.

Intruder Alert!

Yesterday, as our friends were preparing to leave after the Super Bowl, I went into the garage to toss a bag of trash. When I opened the door, I saw a dude in the garage (The Warden had left the garage part way open for some reason).

I dropped the garbage bag and said, calmly, “Who the fuck are you?”

No answer as he turned to exit.

“What the fuck you doing in my garage?” Calmly

No answer as he moved toward the exit.

“You better get the fuck outta here you piece of shit!”

He sped up and ducked under the door. I chased. He was in a sprint running across the neighbor’s lawn and up the street. I kept up for a couple of houses, spewing expletives and little gems such as, “Keep on runnin’ pussy! Come back and I’ll put fuckin’ hole in your head.”

Good sense prevailed and I stopped the pursuit. I ran back to the house, got my keys, hopped in the car and tore up the street and around the corner.

When I got around the corner there was a small pickup parked against traffic in the street (suspicious no doubt). There was also a dude walking down the street toward me. I jumped out of my care and walked swiftly toward the dude (not my dude) and asked him if he’d seen someone running down the street. “Yeah, all in black. He went around that corner.”

I hopped back in my car and called 911 from my cell. Just my luck I got a brand new operator. She was very nervous and asked everything (even simple things) twice, despite my good diction ;-)

Anyway…The dude was a ghost, so I went back home. After a few minutes the cop showed up, took some info from me, and said he’d hang around the ‘hood for a while.

Needless to say, the event was quite a buzz kill, and the fact that some punk ass fuck was thinking he could shop in my garage really (I mean really) pissed me off.

Quote of the Day
"The question is, who ought to make that decision? The Congress or the commanders? And as you know, my position is clear—I'm a commander guy." — George W. Bush, Washington, D.C., May 2, 2007


reneeg255 said...

Woo hoo a B!!! ;)

“Keep on runnin’ pussy!” For some reason that cracked me up.

Have yourself a motherfucking fab day off!!!

reneeg255 said...

By the way I did notice your new top? Or has it been changed for a while?

And I like the ginger couple, I bet this Gingerbread dude ain't singing no blues.

Carlos said...

Nay: Yeah. As I reflected on the events, I thought "keep runnin' pussy" was a good, Dirty-Harry-like line.

The new top(banner) is just a temporary thing. I was fiddling around the other day. I made one for your blog a while back. Maybe I'll email it to ya if yer nice to me. Ginger boy sure ain't singin' the blues. ;-)

Woozie said...

Nigga, you live in Texas. Why didn't you just pill out that .44 and decorate your car with his brains?

How 'bout them Patriots?

Nigel St.John Regina Smegmatica Howle-Raines said...

Shoot the bastard. Cold, dead. On your land, on your property, that slagheap unctuous S.O.B douchenozzle.

Carlos said...

Woozie: Don't gots a .44. Gots me a .357, but it wasn't handy at the time.

Superbowl was fuckin' awesome. Loved watching the Pats suck!

Nigel: It was definitely something that crossed my mind. The more I thought about this bastard intruding into my house, near my family, the more furious I got.

Tom Harper said...

That sucks. Hope they catch your would-be burglar.

I've never been robbed or had my house burglarized, but we had a car stolen about a year and a half ago. A 17-year-old Mazda pickup with over 200,000 miles on it; excellent condition, new engine, new paint job.

God we were pissed. I'm not a heavy drinker but I polished off a fifth of 100-proof vodka over the next 2 days. I was in a fury for weeks after that. I was dreaming up tortures that Saddam Hussein never imagined.

Who Hijacked Our Country

Carlos said...

Tom: What a nice surprise. Thanks for dropping by. I hit your blog daily, and greatly enjoy your posts.

I've never been robbed as an adult, but our house was robbed when I was 10. Lost all sorts of old family jewelry and such.

The intrusion of people with bad intentions on my property or in my personal space makes Carlos a very cross boy.

I can imagine how pissed off you were losing a reliable old friend to a thief. I lost an '84 Honda Accord with 242,000 miles on it in an accident (not my fault). I was pretty bummed out.

Bunny said...

Congratulations on your B!
The bread trucks where we live say Bimbo on them.
I hate it when punk ass fucks go shopping in our garage too. What I want to know is who you pay off in the police dept to actually get a car to your house in a few minutes.

Shelley said...

Dude! How did this guy get access to your garage to begin with? Sounds like a security deviation to me...

Carlos said...

Bunny: Thanks! I’ve seen those Bimbo trucks in Mexico and I believe Honduras. Think they even have some in San Antonio. The cops here are fairly quick, surprisingly. He was here in 10 minutes or so.

Shelley: It was. The Warden left the door part way open. I don’t envision that happening any more.