Tuesday, February 17, 2009

A-Hole

A-hole, A-Rod, A-Fraud…whatever. He’s a loser.

After the heinous introduction (with props to everyone but the cameraman’s gay cousin’s boyfriend’s gerbil), which included conveniently mentioning some charitable organization A-Fraud belongs to, Alex Rodriguez read a statement about his use of steroids.

During the statement, he admitted knowingly taking a prohibited substance, which struck me as kinda funny, because I swear he initially denied ever taking anything. Likewise, I swear I remember him changing that statement to indicate he never “knowingly” took anything he ought not to take.

Later in the statement he said he made a mistake. Right. So he got up a little too early one morning maybe? Maybe, just maybe, he accidentally grabbed a bottle of his roommate’s ‘roids instead of the bottle of the Propecia he surely must use to stave off his receding hairline. That’s a mistake.

Or was he walking down the street when he tripped over a bottle of ‘roids, unwittingly ingesting them as he landed on the open bottle face-first, deep-throating the three-inch plastic cylinder as the ‘roid tabs poured down his lying gullet. That’s an accident.

He made neither a mistake nor an accident. He knowingly broke the rules and then lied about having done so.

But wait – there’s more! He went on to say, “…and to my teammates…” After which he paused and tried like a motherfucker to squeeze out some tears, but they never came.

And then a reporter asked him if he would’ve admitted everything even if he hadn’t been implicated. He danced around the question instead of telling us what we already know: hell no! He wouldn’t have said a word.

Why don’t these fucks ever just come clean? You’d think after Mark McGuire’s pathetic lie-fest, A-Rod would’ve acted a little more honorably and just said, “I took ‘em because I wanted the edge. It was wrong, and I shouldn’t have done it.”

Okay. I’ve wasted enough time on a baseball player I don’t even like, who plays for a team I especially don’t like. Time to do something more gratifying like my taxes!

Cheers, bitches!

10 comments:

unokhan said...

okay what is the difference between a hamburger and a "performance enhancing substance". costco?

Carlos said...

One you stuff in your pile hole because it's tasty and Amurcun. The other is just plain Amurcun. ;-)

flyinfox-satx said...

Seems like you are not the only one with a gripe! I hate that shit too! I hate the Yankees! For them its not about baseball anymore. Its about milking the fans for as much money as they can get....

Don't worry...The Roids will make their winkies shrivel.

Anonymous said...

Hmmmm, it seems like this steroid thing has been going on for years? Am I wrong? I don't watch baseball nor sports news, but I swear I've heard something about these steroids, athletes, and investigations or whatever it is for years? The one black lady from the Olympics, a runner I think admitted to the use after many years of, never mind, same ol' story. ;)

Love to you my friend!!!!

Nay

TC said...

1. I hate A-Rod.
2. I hate the Yankees more.
3. I hate the steroids use. And the fact that these f'ing players are breaking records left and right and getting credit when the 'roids should get the credit! I want Hank Aaron and Babe Ruth back, dagnabitt!
4. None of them would have admitted it. His "mistake" was in getting caught. And he's only "sorry" to his teammates for making everyone look down on them by association. Bastard.

TC said...

P.S. I hate Bonds too.

Shelley said...

I think anyone who is coming close to breaking, or has broken, a record needs to be tested. Shit, Babe and Hank didn't even know what steroids where. All these fucks want to do is break a record and make more money. What ever happened to American baseball? Looks like football is America's game. ...and the testing begins!

Shelley said...

Unokhan: What is the difference between a hamburger and a "performance enhancing substance"? Meat, baby, meat!

unokhan said...

you mean "pie hole".

"pile hole" is something else altogether 8-o

Anonymous said...

I change the channel when the news covers any kind of sporting events other than crab races and bar crawls.

Sign me... Miz Hairy Pit