No Hablo Ess-pan-yole
Something occurred to me the other day when I was thinking about one of my favorites dishes, a fried bologna sandwich. I’m not sure bologna is made the way it used to be. It doesn’t matter what kind of bologna I get these days, it just doesn’t cook like it used to.
Remember how when you fried it, the middle would rise up and you’d have to either hold it down or poke a little hole in it so it would stay down? And do you remember when you’d flip it over it would transform into a little, meat-product sombrero? Yeah? Me too. And it was greasy; not greasy like bacon, but greasy enough. Bologna just ain’t greasy like it used to be and it stays flat, which takes the fun AND the challenge out of cooking it.
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So we got this sack of peanuts from a local meat market the other day...and over 50% of them are quadruple peanuts. I’ve never seen so many of those fuckers in one place in all of my life. Where I once used to marvel at the rare four-banger, I know find myself yearning for the quintuple now!
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Here’s a pretty groovy little political quiz. Check it out and post the results back. It takes, oh, maybe a minute:
http://www.theadvocates.org/quiz.html
I scored “Libertarian”
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The Boy has my car tonight. His is having a little problem with the transmission. We took it down the road to the shop. The dude thinks it could be with the on board computer. I’m guessing that’ll be cheaper than if it was something with the actual transmission.
I’ll be driving the kids to school on Monday. That’ll be nice. I miss being with them for the drive.
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And the Warden? She went over to a friend’s new house for a house warming beer and to “help” her wait for the cable company to show up.
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Me? I’m listening to the tee-vee and blogging while intoxicated. I’m not ripped or anything; just sipping on a glass of smooth, sexy rum (my 3rd one).
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Memory Du Jour:
I
thought about relating a little story about a Dominican prostitute I doinked back in 1984 when I was unmarried, unattached, and a bad, bad boy. But then I thought it would be wholly inappropriate. I didn’t think it would show very good taste if I told everyone in the free world that I had “sexual relations” with
a prostitute I met in a bar. Likewise, I thought it would be most improper to relate how I pretended like I didn’t speak Spanish when she invited me back to her room. And finally, I couldn’t imagine how painfully embarrassing it would be to admit that, after having given this nice looking woman all my hot monkey love, I feigned ignorance (i.e. “I didn’t know you were a prostitute”) and bankruptcy .... and paid her for her services with a blanket I’d purchased in town at a market I thank my lucky stars I have the tact, sense and good genes to not admit any of that to any of you, my loyal (four) readers.
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Quote of the Day:
She don't like salami, she don't want pastrami
She don't want a chicken, she don't want a roast
She just wants her double dose of my
Beef, beef, beef, beef balogna
Beef, beef, beef, beef balogna
Beef, beef, beef, beef balogna
--Fear, from the album, nineteen eighty something
Track List:
1. Let's Have a War
2. Beef Bologna
3. Camarillo
4. I Don't Care About You
5. New York's Alright If You Like Saxophones
6. Gimme Some Action
7. Foreign Policy
8. We Destroy the Family
9. I Love Livin' in the City
10. Disconnected
11. We Gotta Get Out of This Place
12. Fresh Flesh
13. Getting the Brush
14. No More Nothing
15. Fuck Christmas
9 comments:
Oh gawd, I wouldn't know anything about the fried bologna...lol! Sounds, erm, INTERESTING though...
Regarding the hooker story - YOU ARE BAD! :D
I'm centrist, but pretty close to being Liberal or Libertarian. I think I would have made it to one of those had there been more questions.
I am not much of a bologna fan, but I do know what you are talking about. I have fried many pieces of bologna for my father. The stuff now doesn't produce enough grease to fry it properly to form the sombrero. I am not sure if you have noticed, but the weiners do not fry as well as they used to either. Hell, Sheila is still pissed about 12oz packages of bacon. That still sends her into orbit. Lets not even talk about toilet paper...........lol
I am glad you didn't rat yourself out about the prostitute situation. Thank you for not sharing. I would never want to think of you that way........lol I hold you up on a pedestal.....it would crush me to think...well, you know...that you would sully yourself in such a manner......and then rip her off......Shocked!! Ok, we will stop (Sheila and I)...giggle!
I am also not a peanut fan....although, I have seen many roasted on a plow disk sitting on top of a propane heater in the barn, that were being stirred with a screwdriver. There is something fishy going on with them having more than two/three peanuts per shell. I say stop eating the peanuts.........as you might start growing extra toes, finger, eyeballs, nuts.....etc.
OMG we must stop......
Gawd, we really are hicks....although, we try so hard not to be....It's called Southern Comfort.
Bologna is definatly not the same, how cool that someone else would notice that. Sometimes I think I'm alone and ate way to much acid when I was young, I guess you ate a lot of acid too ; }
I am also glad that you never bumped ugly's with that Dominican prostitute cause you know that if you did I would want to hear every detail, but since you didn't I guess we'll never know.
Great story that never happened by the way.
I'm a huge fried bologna fan! I always put a cut in each slice before frying to avoid the sombrero effect you mention.
I once went into a diner and asked the owner if he'd make me one. He looked at me like I had three heads. I had to describe how I did it - complete with melted cheese and fried onions. He made it for me. The next time I was in there, it was up on the menu board. He told me it was one of his most popular sandwiches! I should've asked for royalties.
You have six readers, you lied...
Webmiz: Never heard of fried bologna? You owe it to yourself to try a fried bologna sandwich. Can’t be turkey or chicken bologna though.
Coolspongebob: That’s probably true for me too.
RLB: You are most definitely a good daughter! I hope mine will make me fried bologna sandwiches one day. :-) I’m glad I didn’t rat myself out too. Can you imagine the scandal? Roasting peanuts on a disc. That is so redneck. Reminds me of my neighborhood in AZ back when I was young.
Y: Woo hoo! Another fried bologna fan who knows about the sombrero thing. I’m glad we both ate our hallucinogens like good kids. Maybe one day won’t tell you about the Dominican chick I didn’t “know.”
James: Yes, there is a trick. It’s a fine art actually. Stringman makes mention of it a little below.
Stringman: Another fried bologna fan! I’ve never had it with fried onions though; only raw ones. I’ll have to try it. That’s funny about the diner guy. I got a similar “three heads” look in Wildwood, NJ when I asked a guy at a hot dog stand on the boardwalk for a corn dog: “What’s that? A hot dog with corn on it?” I thought I’d shit. And here I thought corn dogs (one of the foods of the gods, by the way) were universally known.
I got the LIBERTARIAN, too.
I remember fried bologna sandwiches. I remember the sombreros. I remember making these with a friend of min when we were 11 yrs old. What a blast that was. BTW - I took your test & came out Liberal. Does that surprise you?
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