Friday, November 10, 2006

All Clear!

Happy Friday. My enormous penis and I are very pleased to announce that my cold (or whatever the hell it was) has passed (99%), and my colonoscopy went without a hitch. No cancer, no polyps, no nothing. Whew.

We arrived at 6:30 am at the endoscopy center. I got a pile of paperwork to fill out, and The Warden set up her laptop and headphones for a relaxing game of Mah Jong while I was being scoped.

After about 20 minutes I was called back. The nurses were very pleasant and very professional. I stripped down to my socks, slipped on one of those convenient assless hospital gowns, and called for the nurse. She instructed me to lie on the bed where I was jabbed with an IV needle and covered with a wonderfully heated blanket. I dozed for about 20 minutes before another nurse, very pretty and in her 40s, came in to ask me some final questions.

Pretty 40s Nurse then wheeled me back into the procedure room. I was welcomed by a fabulously pretty technician whose name escapes me. They hooked all the probes and monitors up and made small talk until the doctor arrived and asked me a few questions.

The doctor left to prep and the nurse asked me to roll onto my left side. She then dimmed the room lights and said she was going to give me a little of the drug to start out with in case I had an adverse reaction. I felt a pleasant buzz come over me after about 30 seconds. Seeing I was doing fine (and jabbering about this and that), she loaded me up with the rest of the shit. The last thing I remember was smiling and telling her that it reminded me of scuba diving in Key West (Nay, you really should have come to visit me when I was there!). Then I said something smart like, “buh buy now.”

Next thing ya know, I’m waking up in the recovery room. The Warden was there and I have faint recollections of the doctor telling me that everything was clear. I don’t remember getting dressed, but I remember The Warden putting on my shoes for me and leaving to bring the truck around front to meet my wheel chair.

I have very foggy memories after that. I don’t remember getting in the wheel chair, but I remember going through the glass doors and seeing The Warden waiting by the truck. I remember virtually none of the drive to IHOP, but remember the giant omelet and three pancakes I ate. I remember stopping by Hollywood Video for movies, and cutting up around the store with The Warden.

We got home and watched Seven Years in Tibet. Not a bad movie. Nothing I’d urge you go out and rent, but a decent effort. My main beef was with Brad Pitt’s shitty, shitty Austrian accent. OMG it was horrible.

Right now I have a very light anesthesia buzz, and The Warden is cleaning the kids’ rooms and doing laundry. After she gets that squared away we’re off to best buy to buy us a couple of MP3 players. Then it’s off to the grocery store to buy some stuff for dinner.

Do I have an interesting life or what?

Hope you all have a great weekend. I’ll try to start posting something with some content sometime soon.


Margaret said...

Great to hear all is clear.

I'm wondering how your Doctor's blog today about his day would read?

Sheila said...

Very glad you got a good report. One less thing to worry about!

The whole experience sounds horrid to say the least - but you tell it in such a way that no one reading about it can help but laugh.. ie "buh buy now" lol.

Anonymous said...

anesthesia buzzes are AWESOME. good for you. ;)

I loved Seven Years In Tibet. I don't remember paying much attention to his accent though. :D

Anonymous said...

Now you're talking! I love heated blankets & anesthesia, Key West ain't so bad either, or for that matter Ihop. This post had plenty of content, it was a happy post...

Boobless Brigade Master said...

Woo-Hoo! Glad to hear everything turned out good!

rlb3773 said...

Sounds like you enjoyed having your ass played with to me!! I am really glad everything turned out good and that you and your enormous penis are over your cold!