Tuesday, January 08, 2008

Connect This!

Last Friday night’s best-of-eight, Speed Connect Four match started out just as I’d hoped. I took a quick 2-0 lead. My lead was soon extended to 3-1, and I thought I had this one in the bag – My first victory! But that lead simply prolonged the inevitable: Shelley brutalized me with a decisive 7-2 run and defeated me handily 8-5. She made me her bitch – her prison bitch – her own special Washington Redskin.

Shortly before I left, poor Shelley fell ill. I secretly thought it might be the guilt and anguish for so severely damaging my psyche and assailing my manlyishness. But, alas, I was incorrect. She had simply come down with what turned out to be a nasty 24 hour bug.

Saturday morning I called to check up on her. She sounded awful. I called a couple of hours later. She sounded just as awful. Later that afternoon, I took my wonderful friend some tortilla soup, spring water, and ice cream. I spent a few hours tending to her and watching football with her. And yes, we played more Connect Four.

And yes, I was humiliated once again. Even in her diminished state, she again made me her bitch, beating me eight games to six (or maybe five).

I’m not sure if it was the soup, ice cream or the sweet satisfaction of man bashing, but she was feeling considerably better by the time I left.

She worries me. She’s enjoying this just a little too much. I worry me. I keep going back for more.

PS: Shelley said she'd start blogging every now and then if I help her set it up. It's on my list.

My accounting class started this week. Ten weeks of hell. I hate numbers, and I hate accounting. I failed it in high school. I just hope this professor is better than the lame Logic professor I had.

El Joke
How Apropos
A woman and a man are involved in a car accident on a snowy, cold Monday morning; it's a bad one. Both of their cars are totally demolished but amazingly neither of them is hurt.

After they crawl out of their cars, the woman says, "So....you're a man. That's interesting. I'm a woman. Look at our cars. There's nothing left, but we're unhurt. This must be a sign from God that we should meet and live together for the rest of our days".

Flattered, the man replies, "Yes, I agree with you completely, this must be a sign from God!"

The woman continues, "And look at this, here's another miracle. My car is completely demolished but this bottle of wine didn't break. Surely God wants us to drink this wine and celebrate our good fortune." She hands the bottle to the man.

The man nods his head in agreement, opens it and drinks half the bottle. He then hands it back to the woman. The woman takes the bottle and immediately puts the cap back on, and hands it back to the man.

The man asks, "Aren't you having any?"

The woman replies, "No. I think I'll just wait for the police...."


Flyinfox_SATX said...

First off...love the Joke! I am sorry to hear about Shelly. This seems to be going around as I have family members that are coming down with the flu.

Connect Four? I am such a loser at that game.


Shelley said...

Thanks for being man enough to help me with blogging after the killing/slaughter. Also, thanks bunches for the tortilla soup, water, and, of course, the ice cream. It had been at least 3 years since my last taste of the good stuff. What would I do without you?

Maybe we can start playing another game during your weekly visits - but that will not negate at least a small "best out of 5" before you depart.

Thanks for helping me at work today. I miss our interaction since I went to the "Dark Side".

Woozie said...

Yeah, you go on and joke. If the Packers don't stomp your ass, the Patriots will rape the KKKowboys do hard their red white and blue cockhead will poke out of Wade Phillips' left eyesocket.

And you'll still owe me some damned chicken, chazzer.

Woozie said...


The anticipation of the violent, bloody, messy raping is so great I made a typo.

Shelley said...

Woozie - Chill, dude. Just because your team lost a playoff game is no reason to get so upset. There is 2008...

reneeg255 said...

Howdy friend!!! I'm canceling my cell since I'm going to be gone for three months but I'm going to use one of my folks cells for the interim I will email you or text you my temporary number.

Have a great rest of the week. By the way what kind of ice cream did you bring Shelly?

reneeg255 said...

and where the fuck is Woozies "damned chicken"? and what about the fucking grape soda? and shouldn't there be a watermelon thrown in for good measure? ;)

Webmiztris said...

Speed Connect 4 - lol! that sounds interesting! love the joke! things are good - I'm just freakin busy all of the time!!!

Bunny ~N~ Early said...

We're going to get you one of those balls that go in your mouth that you duct tape in place if you can't beat her at least once this month. DUDE!!!!!

Woozie said...

You know what? Hold that chicken until the NFC Championship, or the Super Bowl if you win the NFC title game. Nothing like a good Sunday afternoon raping to compliment a bucket of chicken.

Carlos said...

Flyin Fox That joke cracked me up too. Glad I’m not the only Connect Four loser in San Antonio!

Shelley: Whatever dude. ;-) And you’re welcome for the sick visit, soup, ice cream and company. That’s what friends are for, right? Maybe cribbage or backgammon would be cool. You’re welcome for the help at work, as always. I miss your smiling face too ya fucker. :-)

Woozie: I was hoping you’d drop by and catch that. I couldn’t resist. I’ll hold the chicken for NFC or Super Bowl as you wish.

Nay: I’ll be waiting for the cell number. Be nice to chat before you depart the country dear. Got Shelley some vanilla ice cream (her favorite). She had it with blackberries. I had mint chocolate chip. Watermelon. Hmm…good idea!

WebMiz: Holy shit. Good to see you around. Was thinkin’ about you and made a rare stop by MySpace. Glad you’re busy. That’s a good thing for a band to be. Promise to drop by more often.

Bunny~n~Early: Add a latex or leather full head mask with a zipper, right? LOL. You sick fucks! Those things have to have a name. I’m gonna find out.