First Rant Of The Year

Some things pissing me off lately…

Bernie Madoff
The next thing I want to hear about this idiot is that he’s assumed room temperature. No shit. Harsh, you say? Maybe. But the son of a bitch ruined lives, businesses and charities. And then he was allowed (by a miscreant, dumbass judge) to go home to hide all his valuables. The fuck.

To think our society will imprison someone for years for getting busted with bag of weed, and then let someone like fucking Madoff go home and live in the lap of luxury is maddening. He and the rest of the corporate criminal element need to go away for life and lose everything at the very least. And their families? Fuck them too.

Republicans
Remember how some on the right of the political fence implored us to all support the president, no matter our political views? Do ya? Huh? And remember how those of us who were against the war were branded as un-American and such because we weren’t supporting our president during a time of crisis? I do.

Now think about how that same political ilk is supporting our current president, who's dealing even more than Bush did. Right! They’re not! Virtually none of them. The hypocritical fucks.

Dumbass Drivers
Other bad driver rants

My two driver-peeves so far this year:
1. Hauling ass to work. I’m talking about the morons who drive 20-30Mph over the speed limit and weave in and out of traffic. Do they really like their fucking jobs that much, or are they engaged in some masturbatory, trailer-park NASCAR fantasy?

2. Changing lanes too fast. I’ve come to a completely un-scientific, unfounded hypothesis that most of the avoidable accidents in town are caused by idiots whipping from lane to lane. Changing lanes like a fucking Indy Car driver doesn’t give you enough time to react to something that might be in your way, dumbasses.

Cut and Run
Republican Senator and pussy Judd Gregg did just that. I’ve been stewing about this for almost a month now. Gregg removed himself cut and ran from consideration as Commerce Secretary, citing opposition to the Obama Administration’s ideas for the recovery our nation’s economy.

This pansy’s party is the same one that routinely condemns anyone who doesn’t support war, killing and mayhem in “the Eye-rack - everywhere like such as.” Instead, they accuse anyone who is against war as someone who wants to “cut and run.” Peace lovers are un-American and un-patriotic. Pfft! Whatever. Fuck them.

Call me crazy, but dontcha think it would’ve served the Republican Party and the country better if Gregg had stayed? Wouldn’t it have been smarter to serve the bigger picture? If I were selected to serve in an opposing party’s administration I’d jump at it, despite philosophical differences. The way I see it, any influence I might have on the opposition, to sway them even a little bitsy bit to my side of the political fence, is just better for my party and better for the country.

In summary, Gregg is a short-sighted, opportunistic pussy pretending to have political and fiscal ethics.

Lost at Sea
If I see one more God forsaken story about the NFL players lost at sea, I’m gonna snap. Sure, it’s a shame they’re dead (and they most likely are), but what makes them any more important or newsworthy than the hundreds of other people who go through this shit every day? Nothing.

Fake Tears
How many times have you seen people on the news, “grieving” over one thing or another, crying without a single water molecule squirting out of their eyes? I see it all the time, and it bugs the ever-livin’ shit out of me.

Remember El Misión San Antonio de Valero!
Betcha didn’t know that’s what the Alamo used to be called.

Yesterday was the 173rd anniversary of the day Jim Bowie, Davy Crockett, and a bunch of other guys got their asses kicked by General Antonio López de Santa Anna, and his merry band of Beaners at the Alamo.

Being half Mexican (really, I was born there) and all, I’m not sure what I should be commemorating.

Old Ladies, Visitors, and Dumbasses

The other day I went to the grocery store for a few things. Whilst I was fingering some vegetables a voice, directed at me, said, “Excuse me son. Would you be a dear and hand me one of those fat jalapeño peppers up there?” I looked to my left and spied an elderly woman straddling one of those grocery cart/g-cart combo rigs. She had an amazingly disarming smile that made me feel all warm and mushy inside. I beamed a big ol’ smile right back at her and said, “I most certainly will do that for you.” I plucked out the fattest, beautifulest jalapeñoest jalapeño I could find and handed it to her. “Thank you so much,” she said, the smile never having left her kind face.

I’m a sucker for an old lady.

Someone’s Coming to Town
And it ain’t Santa
An old dear friend will be rolling through town in a couple of weeks. I’ve known this friend since I was seventeen. That’s just about 28 years ago. We lost touch a few times over the years, but are back in touch for what I hope will be a long time. She’s the kind of person I’d like to have living down the street. Someone I'd like my kids to know, so they could pick up her wry sense of humor, and have a new "aunt" to love. Someone I’d like to have as a neighbor in the same old folks home.

She and her traveling companions (mammal and electronic) will be here just for an overnighter.

Do ya know who it is?

Guess

Cool Link
http://pown.alluc.org/211.swf

Dear Dumbass
1. Do not get on the freeway doing 40MPH.

2. Do not slow down to 45MPH right before you exit the freeway. That's what ramps are for.

3. Blinkers Before Brakes. Live it, learn it – dumbass.

4. Tailgating me isn’t going to make me get out of your way. In fact, it’ll most likely make me maintain my speed, slow down a little, or alter my speed just to make your pathetic little life a little more miserable.

5. Go the speed limit. Because you’re a dumbass, driving 10MPH under the speed limit doesn’t mean you’re any safer in a light drizzle.

6. Some people aren’t wired to multitask. Do a little self-assessment and count how many times you get flipped off or honked at while on the cell phone as opposed to when you’re off the cell phone. Do this for a month, tally the totals, and stop talking on the fucking phone if you get honked/flipped more while on the phone.

7. Unless you’re traveling long distances, going 15mph over the speed limit ain’t gonna get you to work much faster than you would get there at the speed limit. Here’s a little exercise dumbass:

Drill #1: Drive to work

-The distance is approximately 11 miles between exits
-I’m averaging 65MPH.
-You’re averaging 80MPH.
-I’ll get there in 10.154 minutes.
-You’ll get there 8.25 minutes - a whopping fucking 1.904 minutes ahead of me.
-That means you’ll average about 7.9968 hours more work than I do per year, which means absolutely nothing because we’re both on salary, dumbass.

Drill #2: Drive to Tucson from San Antonio
-The distance, according to Google Maps, is 869 miles.
-I average 70MPH, factoring in the two stops I’ll make.
-You average 85MPH.
-I’ll get there in 12.414 hours
-You’ll get there in 10.224 hours.
-That’s a full 2.19 hours ahead of me!
-You may burn more gas than I do, but the benefit is clear. Speeding on the open highway pays off and, in my opinion, is worth the risk of a ticket.

Drivin' me Crazy

I’m going to have sprayers added to my car in strategic locations so I can battle dumbass drives (you know who you are) with this.

I am so very, very tired of lame ass drivers. My latest peeve is the dumbass who slows down to 40mph in preparation for the exit ramp that is about 1/8th of a mile up the road. Those of us who are doing the speed limit (65) are forced to slow quickly. The according effect on the rest of the traffic causes a temporary snarl and generally really pisses me off.

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Memory du Jour:
Arizona, 1975 or so
Once upon a time I was young. Back when I was young I did a lot of stupid things.

So this one day, back in my neighbor friend and I get the bright idea to raid his dad’s stash of gunpowder and stuff to make a thingy that booms.

We found ourselves a 16oz aluminum beer can (no problem finding that) and stuffed it full of various types of gun powder….and nails. When it was full, we shoved a twisted up paper towel in it as a fuse. We set our little thingy on a brick wall that was about 5’ tall, lit the paper towel, and hauled ass.

We dove behind a berm and watched the fuse slowly burn down to the can, our eyes and foreheads the only things higher than the top of the berm. The fuse burned into the can, but nothing happened. No boom, no fizzle, no nothing. We waited for 15 or 20 minutes before we moved.

We stood up and walked slowly toward the wall. My friend was a few paces ahead of me and, when he was about five feet from the wall, just starting to reach his hand out to grab the can, the thingy -- she go boom.

There was a big flash with a weak boom. We hit the ground in a split second. My friend stood up holding his face: “My eyes! My eyes!” And me? Fortunately my neighbor friend’s face absorbed most of the force of the blast. ;-)

Actually, because we’d used an aluminum can, not much blast pressure built up in the can. Consequently, the explosion was wimpy, but it still scared the shit out of us. We ended up with powder burns on our faces and bruised egos.

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Photo du Jour:
A series of pictures from a snow storm in the rental house I had in Joisy in the mid 80s.

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Man College (From a friend)

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Visit “PlacesNamed.com” and plug in your name. This is some of what you get:


Carlos is the 3,785th most popular last name in the United States; frequency is 0.003%; percentile is 59.885

Carlos is the 81st most popular male first name in the United States; frequency is 0.229%; percentile is 55.630

Carlos, Texas, United States is in Grimes County; location is 30°35'40"N 96°4'40"W; elevation is 245 feet

Carlos, Indiana, United States is in Randolph County; location is 40°1'35"N 85°2'4"W

Carlos, Maryland, United States is in Allegany County; location is 39°37'23"N 78°57'26"W

Carlos, Minnesota, United States; population was 361 in 1990; housing units was 156 in 1990; location is
45°58'N 95°18'W; land area is 0.44 square miles (281 acres); FIPS code is 9964

Carlos, Minnesota, United States is in Douglas County; location is 45°58'21"N 95°17'31"W

Carlos, Minnesota, United States Postal Service Zip Code is 56319

Carlos, Mississippi, United States [Place] is in Lincoln County; location is 31°37'5"N 90°22'45"W; elevation is 490 feet

Carlos, North Carolina, United States is in Cumberland County; location is 35°12'34"N 78°46'19"W

Carlos, West Virginia, United States is in McDowell County; location is 37°23'45"N 81°48'6"W